3D Love
by Miserylolita
Summary: Kiku Honda would really much prefer to stick to 2D romances rather than date real people. But when Yong Soo sets him up on a date, he meets a mysterious stranger with green eyes on the way. Maybe he'll learn that 3D love isn't so bad. Mainly Giripan, with the Asian countries and some focus on friendship. All that good stuff. HongIce and undetermined pairings possible later. AU.
1. Chapter 1

Kiku Honda would really much prefer to stick to his 2D romances rather than date real people. But when Yong Soo sets him up on a date, he meets a mysterious stranger with green eyes on the way. Maybe he'll learn that 3D love isn't so bad. Mainly Giripan

This is my first fanfiction. Well, the first one I've written since I was 12, anyway. All the Hetalia Asians come in at some point. I'll have to make up names for Taiwan and Hong Kong, so bear with me.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 1<strong>

Kiku sighed and shifted a bit where he sat. His legs were starting to get a bit stiff. How many hours had he been playing this game again? He glanced quickly to the right side of the room and made out the red numbers of his digital clock, almost invisible behind the midday sunlight streaming through his window.

Looking back to the computer screen before him, Kiku scrolled through more of the game's dialogue. This dating simulation game was released only two days ago, but was near completion. Kiku had played it almost nonstop in between classes and meals. His eyes were starting to feel like they had been slowly roasted over a fire from overuse, but Kiku was used to spending entire nights before the computer screen. He was a dating sim warrior.

"Oh, Hera-chan. You're the only one for me," he breathed as a cutscene ensued. Hera-chan, with the brown hair that had a subtle hint of waviness, with the cute sleepy eyes shining with the green of leaves on a summer day. Hera-chan, an exchange student from Europe with the accented English that Kiku found so endearing.

Hera-chan, who would never leave his side and would love him forever. Especially since she had nine thousand affection points, which was the equivalent of being in 90% love with him. Game weeks (equalling real life hours) of pressing the talk button and sending gifts had paid off. It was a matter of game days before Hera-chan would decide against going back to Europe and decide instead to stay in America with Kiku forever and ever and ever…

And Kiku had done it all without a game guide or any help. The cutscene faded out, and Kiku exhaled and finally lied down on the floor, stretching his legs. This was it. If Kiku succeeded with this final date, he would beat the game. He sat up again, prepared to face any sort of question about Hera-chan's bust size or birthday. Then he will have beat this edition of-

"KIKUUUU. KIKUUU? ARE YOU IN THERE? I'M COMING IN, SO YOU SHOULD TAKE YOUR HANDS OUT OF YOUR PANTS AND QUICKLY HIDE AWAY WHATEVER MAGAZINE YOU'RE LOOKING AT, OKAY?"

And with that, the door burst open and Im Yong Soo exploded into the room much like a jack-in-the-box would shoot out from its container. Kiku regarded the Korean man with a deadpan expression. Typical Yong Soo, never knocking before he interrupted the climax of Kiku's dating simulations. Quite frankly, Kiku was annoyed but nevertheless greeted his dorm neighbor with all his graciousness.

"Ah, Yong Soo, it's so nice to see-"

"How long have you been playing that game, man? You need to get out there and get some sunlight!"

"-you." Damn, that Korean was loud.

"Oh, what are you playing?" Yong Soo inquired with curious delight as he shoved Kiku aside. Kiku's face met the wood floor soundlessly under the clamor of the Korean's fiddling with Kiku's computer.

"D-don't touch that!" Kiku exclaimed frantically (or as frantically as he could sound) as he sat up.

Yong Soo guffawed as soon as he recognized the contents of Kiku's monitor. "Have you seriously been playing your dating sims for days straight AGAIN?"

Kiku closed his mouth. Well, yes, he had. What's it to you, Yong Soo? You'll never understand the power of 2D romance. You watch too many K-dramas, Kiku thought rather bitterly.

"You need to get laid," Yong Soo said as he looked at Kiku with a mix of pity and… mischievousness. Uh oh. That was never a good sign. "It turns out that this is your lucky day, Mr. Otaku!"

Well it was seeming to be pretty unlucky so far.

"I've set you up on a date!"

Oh no.

"With a real, 3D girl," Yong Soo added oh so thoughtfully, winking and elbowing Kiku at the same time.

Well, Kiku had assumed that part.

* * *

><p>Kiku pondered for the fiftieth time how he ended up agreeing to this. Actually, he hadn't agreed to this at all. Yong Soo had this magical ability to force Kiku into situations he'd rather not be in. Kiku's polite objections made no dents in Yong Soo's resolve. But Kiku would much rather be up in his room, capturing Hera-chan's heart once and for all, rather than outside, walking on his way to a date. It was late afternoon at this point, and an ocean breeze was blowing from the west. Everything in the outdoors and the surrounding city felt utterly unwelcoming to Kiku.<p>

Though that was probably the thought of having a real date invading every corner of his mind.

Kiku just wasn't confident about talking with real girls. They were too unpredictable and hard to handle for him. They were too much emotion and hormone and not enough data and algorithms and selecting a response from three pre-generated ones. He only had experience in 2D dating, but if he applied the same tactics, he wondered how successful he could be.

Shaking his head to clear out all other thoughts, Kiku reminded himself that the goal was to show his date a good time. That was always the goal. It wasn't about him. Maybe she, whoever she was, was nervous too. He would make her comfortable. He would read the atmosphere and adjust his actions accordingly. How hard could it be?

"She's cute, and Taiwanese, and really nice," Yong Soo had told him earlier that day. "Her name's Mei." It wasn't much information to go by, really. Kiku was to meet her in the Italian restaurant five blocks away from his dormitory. Apparently she also attended their college, but Kiku had never seen her before. Then again, he spent most of his time in his room anyway.

"It'll be healthy for you to start associating with some real people," Yong Soo had said in a brief moment of wisdom and what might've been genuine concern for his Japanese friend. "You only really get to be in college once. Meet some people." Of course the moment was shattered slightly when Yong Soo mentioned "getting laid" right afterwards, but Kiku tried to appreciate the thought. Yong Soo had also lent some of his wardrobe to Kiku. Somehow the tall Korean man was able to find something to fit little Kiku.

His thoughts reverted to the present. His hands felt empty as the wind wove through his bare fingers. Maybe he ought to bring something. He always brought flowers to his simulated dates with Hera-chan. Maybe he should do that for Mei too. It couldn't hurt. She would either appreciate the gesture or unwillingly accept them anyway. Hopefully. Obviously there was no affection points to win on a real life date.

Slowing his walking pace, Kiku scanned the street with his eyes for a flower shop or grocery of some sort. He was sure there had to be one around on a street as busy as this one. He noticed a grocery across the street, with many colorful floral arrangements in the front.

What happened in the next 120 seconds was completely unexpected. First, the mundane and ordinary- Kiku walking across the street when the crossing signal told him so, as it always did. Kiku stepping with an even pace down the sidewalk towards the store. Kiku walking into the store, the transition between the late afternoon sun and the indoor, air-conditioned shade of the store very obvious. Kiku browsing through flowers like he would browse through any other store any other day. Kiku walking up to a check-out counter with his items of purchase, in this case, a bouquet of roses, his hand ready to bring his wallet out.

Then, with one little movement of his eyes, the world changed. Not a drastic, mind-blowing change. But it was a change both subtle and powerful, like the light rumble of a large, speedy subway train felt through the feet as it traveled beneath the ground.

Suddenly the sunlight seemed a little more orange and the scent of the flowers in the store seemed to dance a little in the air. Kiku remembered inhaling as his gaze met the gaze of two sleepy green eyes, shining with the green of summer leaves. Breathing out, his eyes traced a straight and structured nose down to a pair of lips, colored just barely enough to discern it from a tan face, framed with brown hair that had just a subtle hint of waviness.

His breath caught in his throat as he looked at the face as a whole, focusing on the sleepy green eyes in the middle. It was a man's face, a face that made him think not quite of Adonis, but of the radiance of Apollo. Like arrows, the green eyes pierced Kiku's own with acknowledgement. Kiku's hand, once reaching for his ordinary little wallet, suddenly fell limp.

This all happened within a matter of two seconds. The green eyes blink once, blink twice, holding Kiku's unrelenting gaze unwaveringly. After a moment, the green eyes break off the gaze and move to the bouquet in Kiku's arm. Kiku swears he hears a sound as the eye contact is released, and is broken out of his stupor.

"Got a date?" a low, calm voice pours into Kiku's ears from behind the check-out counter.

* * *

><p>To be continued.<p> 


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

"P-pardon?"

"You have a date, don't you?" the man with the green eyes behind the counter asked, his voice pleasant but quiet, almost like a cat's purr.

Kiku's eyes flashed towards the bouquet in his arm, and comprehension glossed over his expression. "Oh. Yes." Kiku might as well have been standing out in the sun, because an ever so slight layer of sweat emerged on his neck. He could almost feel the green eyes looking at him.

"What's your name?"

Any simple question asked in that voice seemed to set Kiku a little off balance.

"Kiku," came the response almost too quickly, too curtly. A pause, then a fleeting impulse to include his last name. "Kiku Honda." Now it felt rather formal and stiff instead.

"Heracles," came the man's single-word response. "Heracles Karpusi."

What a regal-sounding name. "Nice to meet you, Heracles." Kiku bowed a little bit out of habit.

Heracles, an amused smile to curling his lips gently, leaned forward onto the counter. "Must be someone really special."

"A-actually, I haven't met her yet," Kiku noticed for a moment how two small, peculiar hair curls stuck out of the back of Heracles' head.

"A bouquet for the first date…" Heracles thought out loud.

Kiku flushed a little bit. Maybe a bouquet was too much. Not that Kiku would know. His only dating experience was from dating simulations. He couldn't say that out loud, of course. Why was this cashier making so much conversation with him again? He turned to put the bouquet back. "Perhaps I should-"

Heracles chuckled, so quietly it must've been to himself, but Kiku heard it nonetheless. "No, it's just… it's cute."

As if those green eyes had turned up a thermostat, Kiku's ears began to roast red. C…cute? He didn't see that coming- this stranger calling him cute. Kiku was suddenly uncomfortably aware of himself. It was hard to read the atmosphere when he felt this self-conscious. Was he supposed to be flattered or creeped out?

Flustered and at a loss for words, Kiku searched his pocket for his wallet, remembering that he had a date, and a gift to pay for.

Yong Soo's pants sure had big pockets.

* * *

><p>Pizza.<p>

Kiku could detect it the second he opened the door to the Italian restaurant. Fortunately, it was not a smell that made him think of grease and oil, but food (as it was supposed to). Making a mental note of approval, he walked into the waiting room, but with each step, the weight of nervousness in his stomach intensified, as did the low murmur of chattering customers inside the restaurant.

"Kiku!"

Yong Soo, sitting in one of the waiting chairs, was in the middle of putting his cell phone away.

"Hello, Yong Soo," Kiku greeted rather robotically, his voice almost cracking. The weight in his empty belly seemed to be stealing his voice away. He gripped the bouquet tighter, crinkling the plastic packaging a bit.

"Eyy, loosen up a bit!" Yong Soo reached over and patted Kiku's butt playfully for encouragement. Kiku, quite unusually, barely reacted to this invasion of his physical personal bubble.

Something about being in the actual location of his upcoming date made the reality of the circumstances sink in, and it sunk in powerfully.

"What's this?" Yong Soo stood back and inspected Kiku and the bouquet, rubbing his chin to appear thoughtful. He began to laugh.

"What's so funny?" Kiku tried to ask steadily, but each passing second made him regret arriving more and more.

Yong Soo eventually collected himself and rested a hand on Kiku's shoulder. "Mei's gonna love this. She's gonna be here any second now, by the way."

Kiku swallowed. Was he just going to make a fool of himself? What did Yong Soo find so amusing about Kiku's appearance?

...It was the bouquet, wasn't it?

He didn't have any time to ponder this, however. Yong Soo gripped him by the shoulders to spin him around.

A young woman with long, straight dark-brown hair stood in the doorway. A strange hair curl came from the top of her head, much longer and droopier and more frazzled than the ones Kiku had noticed briefly on Heracles' head. She had large, brown Asian eyes, with just a hint of mascara. Her clothes gave off a chic, but friendly and casual impression. Two neat, Taiwanese eyebrows raised a bit in recognition of her friend standing across the room.

As she approached, Kiku noticed that she was the same height as he was, except that she was wearing high-heeled shoes.

"Meiiii, why did you wear heels? I told you he was short!" Yong Soo whined.

"It's not a big deal, okay?" she responded, the frustration hissing like steam in her voice towards her Korean friend. She then looked over to Kiku, and her eyes widened.

"You must be Kiku! Are these flowers for me?" she exclaimed, her expression softening quickly.

Kiku nodded and stiffly held the bouquet out. "Nice to meet you. You must be Mei. These are for you."

So stiff. Nonetheless, a genuine smile came to Mei's face, making Kiku realize how stressed she looked before in comparison. She took the bouquet into her arms. "Thank you! That is so sweet. Don't worry about the whole height thing, by the way. Yong Soo is really annoying sometimes, am I right?"

"You know I heard that," Yong Soo rebutted sulkily while pouting.

Kiku couldn't help but smile and relax a little.

Yong Soo, still pouting, was already halfway out of the restaurant. But before he exited, he turned around and winked at them both, giving Kiku a thumbs up. Mei facepalmed and muttered something about confiscating his K-dramas.

Kiku couldn't help but notice, as Yong Soo was leaving, a massive hair curl coming from the Korean's head. Was that always there?

They were quickly seated and provided with menus by a very cheerful, brown-haired waiter with an Italian accent. Kiku and Mei happened to sigh with relief at the same time upon seeing the prices on the menu. Upon realizing this, the two glanced at each other before Mei giggled a little.

"Looks like I'm coming out of this meal with my wallet intact," Mei announced triumphantly.

Kiku couldn't help but nod in agreement eagerly. His inner instinct to save money was very satisfied and shared by his dinner companion! How delightful. Then a thought came to him. "Oh, please do not worry. I'll shoulder the bill tonight."

"Oh, no no, I couldn't let you do that," Mei replied. The two discussed this briefly before it was settled that Kiku would pay for dinner tonight. Victory.

Mei rubbed her temples. "Thank you. Usually I wouldn't allow this, but lately money is kinda tight. Plus, some old friends of mine who also go to school here are flying in from China later this week, so I've had to take care of that." She released her grip on her temples suddenly. "Sorry! I didn't come here to vent about myself."

"No, it's fine," Kiku said. "Please continue if you must." He really didn't mind.

And so Mei continued, and Kiku listened, relieved of having to think of things to say. Eventually, the waiter returned with the food, and as this light-brown-haired waiter set down each platter upon the table, Kiku noticed another massive hair curl coming from near the side of the waiter's face. Man, there were so many of these strange hair curls today…

"…and that's why everything's just been so hectic lately," Mei finished.

"Sounds difficult," Kiku said. He wondered if he should say something more comforting or thoughtful, but Mei changed the subject, as if venting her troubles was enough.

"Say, Kiku, what year are you in? I've been talking about myself this whole time," Mei asked while sipping a bit of her water. At least water was free

"I'm a junior."

The straw dropped from her mouth. "Really! I'm in my second year. I guess I'll get to tell all my friends that I went on a date with an upperclassman, hahaha."

Date. Right, this was a date. For a moment, Kiku got comfortable enough to forget that he was on a date.

They exchanged details of their lives for a bit longer. Mei was planning to major in biology, and had worked as a salesperson at a clothing store over the summer to pay her parents back for her college tuition. She liked cute clothes, cute animals, and worrying about things. Her mom worked at an Asian hair salon, but could never seem to tame her hair curl.

And Kiku, too, liked cute animals, and just cute things in general. In his free time, he played video games (he left it at that), and he had an interest in photography. He was majoring in computer programming. Suddenly Kiku felt quite uninteresting and tensed up, though the feeling eased a little as Mei seemed intrigued and probed further.

She asked him questions about himself, and he provided answers. How strange it was for him, to be talking about himself on a date. He wasn't sure he relished the feeling, but it certainly felt more personal than having the girl ask him questions about herself, and him clicking on one of five answer choices.

He memorized everything Mei said about herself out of habit, being that in dating simulation games, any detail the girl provides about herself is a potential quiz question for later. Plus, Mei was real, thus more intriguing than any virtual girl Kiku has had the pleasure to "date".

"You know, we both seemed really nervous at the beginning. But now things seem a lot more comfortable. I think we'll get along well," Mei mused out loud.

"Yes, I agree," Kiku concurred.

The two ate in peace for a while. Kiku was satisfied with the knowledge that he had reached level 2- friendship- with Mei. Level 2 was really the farthest Kiku had ever gotten with anyone in the real world. What was required to reach level 3? It didn't involve earning more "affection points"; that was certain. Kiku wasn't in a dating simulation anymore.

…Did Kiku even want to reach level 3 with Mei? She was friendly and down-to-earth, and just overall a cool person so far. But dating included things like… holding hands and kissing. Kiku just couldn't picture doing that right now, not with anyone.

At that moment, Yong Soo's words earlier that day came to mind- something about "getting laid." Kiku briefly glanced at Mei and then mentally berated himself for remembering that now, of all times. He flushed a little. Forget level 3- what if Mei was planning on reaching level 4 with him? Tonight? Is that what people expect from first dates? This was moving so fast. Kiku fervently tried to distract himself with another mouthful of spaghetti.

Did he want to reach level 4? With Mei? In games it was no big deal- it was the final goal (and usually consisted of just watching a very racy cutscene), but suddenly he was dealing with a 3D woman, which was entirely different. Reaching level 4 meant that Kiku would have to actually… perform certain actions. But he was just so unprepared to deal with all this-

Suddenly, Kiku's eyes wandered into the path of the gaze of two sleepy green eyes, across the restaurant from him.

Heracles was here.

Heracles was here? What was he doing here? Kiku craned his neck a little to get a better view.

Sitting across from Heracles was a well-built man with short, dark-brown hair. This man's back was turned to Kiku, so his face was not visible. Was this some sort of business dinner? No, this wasn't the right type of restaurant for such an occasion, nor were they dressed in any sort of formal attire. They had to be close, like brothers or something.

"Kiku?" Mei chimed in hesitantly. "Is something wrong?" He had been looking at something in the distance for a while now.

"No, it's nothing," Kiku answered steadily, releasing the concentration in his furrowed brow. He should be paying attention to Mei. "I just saw someone I knew."

"Oh, I see. Who?" It had to be someone interesting for Kiku to completely forget about his spaghetti. Noodles are pretty hard to ignore.

Well, Heracles wasn't someone he necessarily knew. It was just… those green eyes would stand out anywhere. "It's someone I met today when I was getting those flowers." Kiku briefly eyed the bouquet on Mei's side of the table.

Mei looked over her shoulder and scanned the restaurant. "Oh, you mean Heracles? The one that works at the grocery?"

"You've met him too?"

"When I went to the store. Although I've never really talked to him. He's pretty well known around campus, though."

Heracles went to their college too? Kiku was starting to realize the extent of how staying inside all the time was affecting him.

"Who's he with?" Kiku found himself asking, despite the voice inside his head that reminded him it wasn't his business.

"Oh, him? The guy across the table from Heracles?"

Kiku nodded.

"That's his boyfriend."

* * *

><p>To be continued.<p> 


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

The sun had long since set, leaving the dark blue of the night sky to be desaturated by the orange glow of city lights. A crisp autumn breeze permeated through Kiku's jacket, prompting his body to shudder a bit. Beside him, the tapping of Mei's heeled shoes against the pavement became a sort of rhythm. Occasionally Kiku would hear the crunch of fallen leaves beneath both their feet, as they were, after all, walking side-by-side in silence from the restaurant.

He tried to concentrate on the pleasant signs of the fall season around him, to avoid thinking about whatever was coming next. Several times he felt tempted to glance sideways a little, to read Mei's expression. What was she thinking? But anxiety held him back and shut him off from reading the atmosphere.

That same tense silence draped like a heavy curtain between them for the rest of the trip. Anyone seeing them together like this would have never guessed that they had, in fact, been talking animatedly and comfortably just a few minutes ago.

All too soon, they were at Mei's doorstep—the doorstep of her apartment, where she lived alone.

The tapping of her heels stopped. Then they clicked a few times more as she turned to face him.

Thoughts raced, hundreds of them, through Kiku's mind as he opened his mouth to speak. "Mei, I—"

"I think we're thinking the—"

They both stopped and stared at each other, stunned, then smiling. "You go first."

Kiku exhaled. The curtain began to lift. "No, please, you go first." Mei laughed.

"You're great, Kiku. We've only known each other for a few hours, but I feel like we've always been friends."

Friends. That was the keyword. "I see." Both relief and the feeling of rejection filled him momentarily. Or was it disappointment? There was something exciting, despite being nerve-wracking, about anticipating whatever came next. But to be honest, Kiku, who had never even hugged a girl before, was more relieved than anything that level 2—friendship—was where he was staying.

Mei must've understood his relief, for she moved on. "Give me your phone for a second, please?"

She pressed several buttons rapidly and gave his phone back, handing over her own phone with it.

"Your phonebook is kinda… empty," she remarked carefully, but continued, leaving no time for Kiku to feel embarrassed. "When my friends from China arrive, I'll give you a call. You can meet them and we'll all hang out, okay?"

That was settled.

"Thank you for tonight," Kiku said, handing her phone back (with his number now inside). He dipped forward a bit, bowing slightly and quickly.

"No, no no, thank you," she protested. "To be honest, I was, uh, worried what kind of person Yong Soo had set me up with. But I'm glad I ended up meeting someone like you."

And thus they parted ways.

* * *

><p>When Kiku awoke the next morning, not much was different. His room was the same. His dating simulation stayed untouched last night after he came home. For once, he didn't really feel like playing it, despite having been interrupted at an important point last time. Instead, he went to sleep at a normal hour.<p>

He went on his first date the night before, but nothing seemed to change. He had usual business to take care of today.

It was nice.

This was the peace and quiet Kiku appreciated. He sighed with contentment, letting the perfect silence of his apartment simmer in his ears and the scent of cologne fill his lungs.

Cologne?

A voice came from the doorway. "Hey."

Then, uncomfortable silence.

"Yong Soo." Kiku broke the silence, prompting his friend to explain his arrival.

"Kiku."

Yong Soo didn't move from the entrance to Kiku's room. How long had he been leaning against that doorframe with that serious expression on his face?

"Are you still a virgin?"

Kiku automatically flushed, too startled to respond with words.

"Which is it? Yes or no?" Yong Soo pressed further enthusiastically, unable to discern an answer from Kiku's embarrassment.

"I…" Kiku pressed his palm against his face. The warmness on his face was cooled quickly by his increasing exasperation. "If you don't need anything, please leave."

Yong Soo held out a few dollar bills before Kiku could make another move. "Actually, I need you to buy some stuff for me."

* * *

><p>This store again.<p>

Kiku felt annoyed more than anything else that Yong Soo needed someone to do his errands for him, but somehow couldn't summon the will to refuse, and here he was again, in front of the store. The same store he ended up walking to yesterday, the store with the flowers in front and the unnerving green eyes that would probably be waiting in the back.

He debated going in at all. Only after the autumn chill had grazed his ankles did he remember that he was braving the cold in the his home clothes (which were practically pajamas).

…Might as well go inside.

Cautiously stepping inside, he steadily scanned the interior for a particular shade of green. Instead, he made eye contact with a pair of unfamiliar yellow ones.

"Close the door already," the cashier griped in a thick Italian accent. A massive brown hair curl caught Kiku's eye. At this point, seeing those curls everywhere was no longer a surprise.

"Pardon me." He closed the door gently behind him, and the cashier went back to his reading material without another complaint.

Even by the time Kiku brought everything to the counter, the green eyes from yesterday hadn't made an appearance. He pondered asking the cashier of their whereabouts, but it seemed this man was already annoyed from having to put down his erotic magazine in order to process Kiku's purchases.

He tried to grab the cashier's attention. "Excuse me."

The cashier was relatively friendlier this time, though he was still almost shoving Kiku's groceries into the bag. Kiku was glad Yong Soo didn't ask him to buy eggs. "What?"

"Is Heracles here today?"

"That sleepy bastard?"

Kiku wasn't quite sure how to respond to that. "…He has green eyes and brown hair."

The cashier's expression softened for a second, but reverted back to a scowl so quickly that Kiku almost hadn't noticed. "Too many green-eyed jerks working here," the cashier muttered. "The cat bastard is out on a break, probably dicking around near the park. Why do you ask? Are you his boyfriend or something?"

…

"That lazy ass has a new boyfriend every month," the cashier grumbled as he shoved the last of the groceries into the bag. "Can you find and get that lazy bastard to come here?"

"I-I'm not—" Kiku stuttered, almost dropping the bags that the cashier was shoving into his arms.

"Tell him he's gotta remember to take over after my shift is over," the cashier continued, already engrossed with his magazine.

* * *

><p>Kiku figured by now that he had a talent for getting pushed around in other people's affairs. With groceries in hand, he crossed the street towards the park entrance, his mind racing far faster than his feet.<p>

He wasn't Heracles' boyfriend.

Not even close.

They spoken to each other once, for crying out loud. Even in a dating sim, they would qualify as strangers.

Expression perfectly neutral and gait perfectly even, he strolled about the park, appearing to be perfectly calm to any passerby, though the only other presence here was a gathering crowd of cats. That was unusual enough to warrant a quick peek over the edge of his grocery bag, and sure enough, there lay Heracles, sound asleep on the ground, behind a bush.

At least Kiku assumed it was Heracles. It could also be any other tan-skinned stranger with unusual hair curls sleeping with cats on his face in the middle of a park.

"Pardon me," Kiku coughed out, hoping that would suffice in waking him up.

The light snoring continued without interruption.

Kiku stepped through the bush, making enough noise to wake the cats. A few of them stepped off the man's body and stretched, kneading their paws gently in the cool grass before walking off. In the brief moment where Kiku's attention was turned towards the cats, Heracles (it was Heracles, after all), sat up, eyes staring blankly ahead.

"Where… am I?" He looked up, sleepily making eye contact with Kiku.

"Are you alright?"

Heracles paused and reached up as if to rub his head, but his hand dropped halfway. "Headache…"

If Kiku recalled correctly, he had just bought some over-the-counter medication. Yong Soo could probably live with an opened package. "Please take some of this." But Heracles shook his head and looked down. "Are you unwell?" No response. "Heracles?"

He was asleep again. He must be really tired, Kiku thought. Softly, he put the bag down and sat next to the sleeping man. Hesitantly, he reached out to stir Heracles, who was doing a spectacular job of sleeping sitting up, but pulled his hand back. Maybe it was best to just let the man sleep if he was tired enough to fall asleep in this situation.

Then Kiku flinched, momentarily only aware of something coming towards him. Instead of impact, however, he felt hair against his neck.

Somehow, Heracles, being much taller than Kiku, was able to fall over and land his head perfectly in the curve of Kiku's shoulder. While asleep.

The sudden sensation of soft hair against his skin and something (probably Heracles' face) pressing on his shoulder came as a complete surprise, to say the least. But the slight movement of Heracles' even breathing only brushed his hair back and forth lightly against Kiku's open neck, and what felt like a quickening drum began to pound in Kiku's core.

"Hey!" Kiku shouted thoughtlessly, his brain too busy debating processing this extremely unlikely, but real sequence of events to form a proper sentence. "H-hey." A stranger was sleeping on his shoulder. Kiku rarely pondered what situations he would be most uncomfortable in, but this just made the top of the list.

Though it… didn't feel so bad. Heracles smelled kind of nice.

…Uh.

…

It was a shampoo kind of smell. Kiku couldn't pinpoint what exactly it reminded him of, not that he was trying to. Neither flowers nor fruit came to mind. It was just a clean, soap-like smell that came off as neither masculine nor feminine. Kiku appreciated a clean-smelling… person, not that he was noticing how Heracles smelled like one.

"Mama…" A sleepy murmur rumbled from Heracles' throat.

Kiku almost jumped from hearing sound while so deep in thought, but barely moved, fearing that he would awaken the slumbering brunet. He waited for any sign of movement or awakening following that, but he turned his head only to see that Heracles' eyes, still closed, were lined with a few dew-like tears.

A million questions could have graced Kiku's mind, but none did. The tears generated no curiosity, no questioning of their meaning or origin. Rather, Kiku felt as if he had stumbled upon a very private sight, as if he had intruded on something personal.

Private moments like this weren't supposed to happen with someone until at least level 3.

* * *

><p>Eventually Heracles had to wake up, but in the meantime, Kiku became well acquainted with the cats surrounding them, some of which returned from having walked away earlier. He was stroking the chin of a particularly friendly long-haired, black one when Heracles awoke.<p>

"Good morning," he said so softly that Kiku almost mistook it for a purr. His sleepy, green eyes betrayed no trace of the few tears that clung onto them before.

"A-ah. Good morning," Kiku replied awkwardly, despite that it was afternoon. Heracles was obviously awake, but he hadn't moved from Kiku's shoulder. He wondered if it would be rude to ask Heracles to sit up. He wondered if he wanted Heracles to sit up. Why bother asking if Kiku didn't mind either way…? Maybe it was normal for Americans to do this.

Kiku continued with petting the cat in front of him, wondering if he should say something else. What kind of conversation do you make with someone who was just sleeping on you? He didn't remember anything like that in his dating sims.

"What's his name?" Kiku asked robotically, pointing to the cat he was petting. He instantly felt foolish. What was he even asking.

Heracles remained unperturbed and replied casually with, "I haven't named this one yet." His gaze slipped upwards to meet Kiku's, making the nervous college student suddenly aware of how close their faces were.

Kiku didn't move, convinced that any second now, Heracles would come to his senses and move away by himself. But he didn't. He didn't move. Why wasn't he moving? Kiku tried to think about something else. Upon glancing at the cat in question, its sweet face made him forget all else.

"Sakura," Kiku stated seriously. "This cat is named Sakura."

Heracles finally sat up and lifted the cat up to where his eyes were level with its crotch.

"Is that a girl's name?" the brunet asked.

"Yes."

Heracles shook his head. "This cat is a boy."

"…Oh. Then how about Nekojirou?"

Heracles seemed satisfied and picked up a different cat, this one both black and white, but smaller than the previous one. "How about this one?"

"That's his friend, Nekokichi."

"How about this one?"

"You can name that one."

Heracles turned this cat so that it was facing him. He regarded it with his sleepy eyes, feeling the vibrations from its purring on his hands. "Mr. Cat."

Mr. Cat meowed back, unaware of how redundant his new name was. "That's a cute name," Kiku remarked, though somewhere his subconscious was chuckling. Heracles finally smiled—with just a small curl of the lips and a kinder vibe from his green eyes.

"You like cats," Heracles remarked. It almost came off as a question, but it was a question that he nevertheless knew the answer to. Kiku nodded. "What else do you like, Kiku?"

Kiku repeated what he had said to Mei the night before. Cute animals, cute things overall, video games, photography, and computer programming. Heracles' eyebrows raised a little upon hearing the last one.

"Oh, I don't really like computer programming," Kiku clarified hastily. "It's just my major." Why was he trying to explain himself?

"You don't like it?" Heracles inquired without any hidden intention in his tone.

"It's alright. I'll be able to make a living from it."

Heracles seemed to disapprove. He leaned forward, reminding Kiku of their first encounter yesterday… just without the amused smile. "Do you like photography more?"

Kiku wondered where Heracles was going with this. "…Yes."

"Then you should do that for a living."

He had said it so casually that he couldn't even come off as blunt. "I'm just an amateur," Kiku explained. "I don't possess the skill or equipment to do it for a living."

"Can you get them?" Heracles asked. No, it's too expensive, Kiku replied before starting to elaborate on the costliness of camera equipment. He stopped himself, however, and decided to change the subject.

"What does Heracles like?"

Heracles paused to think of his answer. "I like history." Pause. "And philosophy." Another pause. "And cats." Yet another pause, longer than the others. His eyes, formerly gazing into the distance, then focused toward his patient listener.

"And I like Kiku."

* * *

><p>To be continued.<p> 


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

One thing that dawned on him in that moment was how easy it was for others to baffle him. Moving from Japan to America resulted in an endless string of mild cases of culture shock throughout his teenage years. Not the kind of culture shock that inspired deep resentment or anger against the unfamiliar culture—but rather, anxiety and confusion. It made receding and keeping to himself the ideal coping mechanism.

Additionally, there was the problem of language. Kiku was aware of, but helpless against his misinterpreting the intentions of those around him, because of the different nuances and subtleties of communicating in English. Reading the atmosphere was now akin to reading some utterly foreign language, like trying to decipher Greek symbols.

But when it came to this moment, the only thing Heracles' words could sound like was a confession. The kind that dating sims reserve entire cutscenes for, but Heracles had said so effortlessly.

Electric signals spun uselessly like uncontrollable motors in Kiku's brain, then stopped. The only response he mustered: "Oh."

Kiku quickly looked away. From the corner of his eye, he saw that Heracles also finally looked away and had kept a small amused smile on his face.

More silence. Kiku instead tried to concentrate on the cold and realized he was shivering a little. For some reason, he felt pressured to say "I like Heracles, too," but he had to think first, in what way he meant it, if he did say it. And why Heracles said what he did, and what exactly he meant. And—

A warm jacket circled his body. He looked up.

Heracles' voice. "You look cold." The warm jacket closed in.

Kiku suddenly stood up, making his eyes level with Heracles' chin, which was now only a few inches from his face. His legs, stiff from sitting for so long, moved on their own. So did his heart rate, apparently. His eyes moved up to Heracles' own surprised ones.

The warmth reminded him of the store. The cashier! The one who asked Kiku to tell Heracles to go take his shift.

"Your shift, at the store," Kiku blurted. He felt even warmer now. Too warm. Words were evaporating before they could leave his mouth, leaving his sentence incomplete.

Heracles didn't look alarmed. Rather, he looked a bit concerned, and his hand reached up and rested itself on Kiku's forehead, as if feeling for a temperature.

Hot. Where Heracles' skin met Kiku's forehead felt really hot. The heat started to spread from Kiku's head to the rest of his body, like a fire. Heracles was the fuel.

"You're all red."

Kiku needed to escape. For some reason, he felt exposed, he felt the need to flee. Like a reflex, Kiku politely said "please excuse me" before breaking away from the fire back into the cold with a sprint.

* * *

><p>"Soooooo, Mei says her friends from China are arriving tomorrow. She says we can drop by her place and meet them in the afternoon," Yong Soo said cheerfully through the phone.<p>

"That sounds great." Kiku replied. The metal of his own cell phone felt cool against his ear. He had left it near the window of his room, thus exposing it to the chilly air of the day by accident, rather than charging it near his bed, where he was sipping tea at the moment.

"A friend from Vietnam is also flying in later. She's apparently reeeeeally cute… and single! Hint, hint."

"Who are the other people?" Kiku asked, eager to shift the subject away and prevent Yong Soo from setting him up in another scheme. He blew on his tea a bit while listening to his friend's response, pushing some of the steam up in his face.

"Well, one of them has got this complicated Chinese name that I can't pronounce, and his eyebrows are pretty impressive, I gotta say. The other one is…" Yong Soo paused and spoke in a quieter voice, as if someone was eavesdropping on their conversation. "She's an older woman. And she's HOT."

Kiku remained purposefully silent, unmoved. The sound of him puffing air on his tea is the only thing audible over the phone at the moment.

Yong Soo, expecting this reaction from his friend, just continued. "Her name is Yao or something. It's a pretty boyish-sounding name to me, but I guess it's pretty cute."

Yao. That sounded familiar. It was definitely a guy's name, though. "How do you know it's a woman?"

"Mei accidentally showed me a picture on her phone of Yao wearing a dress." That reply seemed to satisfy Kiku (who responds with "I see"), so Yong Soo moved the conversation to something that had been intriguing him the whole time. "So uh, where's the stuff you bought, if you don't mind me asking?"

Oh. Crap. The grocery bags. He had left them in the park.

Words scrambled away from Kiku like frightened prey. How was he supposed to explain this turn of events? How was he supposed to explain Heracles, and the jacket, and fleeing the scene because of reasons he couldn't even make sense of himself?

The lack of a response halted the conversation for so long that Yong Soo had time to make his own assumptions.

"Damn, you must've had one hell of a night up with Mei if you're that spacey." Kiku heard Yong Soo whistle suggestively.

"Wait, th-that's not—" That wasn't it at all. His thoughts were forced to move from the recent events of this afternoon to his date last night with Mei in less than a second.

"Maybe I should've just let you sleep in today. Sorry for bugging you about dumb shit like groceries, man, but I'm glad it worked out!" He sounded really excited. "You should've told me that you guys… you know, when I asked you earlier! I knew I was a great wingman—"

"Nothing happened!"

Yong Soo didn't reply for a moment. Kiku wondered if his friend even heard him and considered repeating himself, only more tactfully and with less annoyance in his tone.

"What?" Yong Soo shouted, confused.

Apparently, clarification was needed. "I didn't—I didn't have sex with her!" That one word felt so awkward stumbling out of Kiku's mouth. Even after he said it, he could feel it lingering in the air and echoing in his mind. Sex, sex, sex.

Yong Soo was almost indignant. "She told me you walked her back to her apartment yesterday!"

"I—" That didn't mean they had done anything! It dawned on Kiku that Mei must have explained last night's sequence of events to Yong Soo in a way that would keep the pesky self-proclaimed wingman off her back, without actually lying. "I escorted her back to her apartment and then went home."

He could almost see Yong Soo's disappointment smattered all over his face. "So… so you guys didn't…?"

Kiku could almost say he'd rather discuss why Yong Soo's groceries were missing because of a certain tan, green-eyed stranger than have Yong Soo question why Kiku and Mei didn't go through a long, steamy night of copulation after having just met each other.

"Dude, are you like… playing for the other team?"

"Pardon?" It was obvious to Kiku that Yong Soo was trying to ask something indirectly, but it wasn't clear exactly what. He was using some sort of idiom.

"You know like, swinging in the other direction?" Oh.

"…You are asking if I'm…"

"I-I mean, it's totally cool if you are! I totally respect that stuff. I just… I got you a date with basically one of the hottest Asian girls on campus, and considering how much time you spend on dating sims I figured you'd really jump at the opportunity! So, why did… nothing happen?"

There were so many inaccuracies in Yong Soo's reasoning that Kiku couldn't even start. What was Yong Soo expecting? That he would eagerly go and have his first intimate moment with the first pretty girl he went on a date with? That Mei was even looking to have a lay in the first place? Kiku pondered staying silent and letting Yong Soo mull over the words that just came out of his own mouth. But knowing Yong Soo, he probably wouldn't think it over.

And, Kiku couldn't ignore that his friend was… in his own special way, looking out for him. Or his virginity. But Yong Soo was showing concern about his life (even if he was being rather nosy… though Kiku did little to keep Yong Soo out) and even helped him meet and become friends with Mei (even if he meant to push them into doing something entirely different).

…But he did not want to discuss this. It was just so bothersome, and Kiku felt too tired to explain right now.

"I'll get your groceries as soon as I can, by the end of today. I'm sorry for the inconvenience. Talk to you later."

"It's totally cool if you like it up the butt, Kiku! This kind of thing sometimes happens in Korean dramas too!"

Now Yong Soo was just teasing him.

Kiku toyed with the idea of teaming up with Mei to confiscate Yong Soo's drama collection.

* * *

><p>Kiku assumed that Heracles had understood his blurted-out half-sentence earlier and went to the store to fill in his shift. At least that what he hoped. He walked into this same store for the third time in two days, far more nervous than he felt entering the first two times.<p>

No one behind the counter.

Disappointment and relief filled him at the same time. He… he just didn't know how to greet Heracles. Heracles' last words felt more like a confession than anything, but Kiku also considered that he was looking at the situation through his dating-sim eyes and entirely misinterpreting everything. Maybe what had happened was just a standard way of making friends, and Kiku had gotten carried away with his own version of events. He didn't know how he was supposed to clarify Heracles' meaning. They had literally met just yesterday. Kiku barely knew how to deal with Yong Soo, who he had known for three years.

"You're here."

Kiku turned around too fast and almost lost his balance. But he steadied himself and found Heracles' eyes, which were absent from the room mere seconds ago.

"You left your groceries in the park."

Ah! Right, the groceries. Kiku could never seem to remember the groceries.

"I brought them here for you," Heracles explained, patting the counter in front of him gently. "I thought you would come back here to get them, once you remembered."

"Th…thank you very much," Kiku uttered, grateful and relieved at once, but not enough to let go of his nervousness. He moved towards the counter as Heracles placed the bags on top. Awkwardly and slightly embarrassed, he took them into his arms and immediately recalled Heracles' possible-confession from earlier as their hands briefly brushed against each other in the exchange.

Forgetting to leave, Kiku stood there for a while, trying to look at anything but the man in front of him. He wondered if Heracles was going to ask why Kiku ran off (and there were thousands of questions Kiku would rather answer, or could answer in the first place). He could feel green eyes looking at him thoughtfully, watching him curiously. He could feel his ears heating up.

"I think you have my jacket," Heracles stated casually.

The heat instantly waned. Shit. How could Kiku forget that too? It was back in his apartment, where Kiku hung it. He was forgetting everything today.

"I… I sincerely apologize," Kiku started. "I'll bring it to you right away." He turned to leave as quickly as he could, to retrieve Heracles' jacket or to escape how foolish he felt.

"Kiku," Heracles said, stopping Kiku midway through the door with his words. "Do you like me too?"

One of the bags seem to leap in shock from Kiku's arms onto the sidewalk just outside the door. The contents of the bag raced from the inside out onto the pavement, with cans clanging and boxes tumbling about all over the place. Kiku's attention barely had time to wrap itself around Heracles' question before it had to turn to the calamity occurring at his feet.

Cursing himself for suddenly being so clumsy, Kiku set the other bag down next to him and gathered everything together. He found tan hands picking up items alongside his own small, pale ones.

As everything was cleaned up and put back into the bags, Kiku apologized again, for troubling this person, but Heracles merely said, "it's fine, it's fine." A few items had been ruined in the spill, so Heracles invited Kiku to come back inside and replace them. Kiku realized he didn't bring his wallet with him, but Heracles replied, "it's fine."

Kiku must've looked really mortified, so Heracles tried to reassure him. "It's okay. I'd be glad to pay for Kiku." But that seemed to mortify him only further.

"I dropped them out of my own carelessness," Kiku explained earnestly. "Please wait inside. I'll be back with money, and your jacket as well." He picked up the bags, one first, then the other, with a little more difficulty, but no complaints.

Heracles noticed how small Kiku was. The bags were so big that Kiku had to hug them to his chest with the effort of both his whole arms, and the little Asian man could barely even see over the top edge of the brown paper material. In fact, had Heracles approached him from further away, it would almost look like two grocery paper bags with a pair of legs walking down the street. He smiled a little. "Cute."

The person behind the grocery bags didn't respond. He didn't know how to respond. The only response was the red tint appearing on his face again. Really, really cute. (Heracles didn't say this, for fear of making Kiku spontaneously combust or something.) Nevertheless, he couldn't let Kiku walk back like that alone. He looked entirely… defenseless.

Kiku was already on his way before Heracles shouted (at least it would be considered shouting, relative to Heracles' normal speaking volume), "I'll walk with you."

* * *

><p>Honestly, up until the last two days, Kiku could say that his everyday routine here had been the same. Waking up, going to class, studying, and <em>maybe<em> playing video games (he wasn't one to shirk his studying responsibilities for leisure). Suddenly he had gone on a date, had what he would consider an intimate moment with a stranger (though what Heracles was thinking was entirely a mystery to him), and now that same stranger was standing in his apartment, putting down Kiku's bag on the counter. Heracles had offered to carry both of them for Kiku, but Kiku only agreed to divide the burden evenly. It was the only compromise he could muster… had he not been so baffled, Kiku would've refused the offer entirely. At least Heracles didn't repeat his question from earlier. Kiku had so little knowledge of how to address it that he was avoiding thinking about it entirely.

"Kiku?" Oh no.

"Y-yeah?"

"Your kitchen smells really nice."

"Oh. …Thank you." He brought Heracles' jacket over from the hook where it was hanging. Heracles didn't look cold, even if only short sleeves were covering his tan, well-defined arms.

Ooh boy. Kiku quickly turned his attention to preparing some tea after Heracles took the jacket into his arms. He at least had to take care of this common courtesy before sending Heracles back; after all, Heracles had went through the trouble of bringing his groceries home. Then a sudden realization came to him.

"Is there anyone watching the store right now?"

Heracles shrugged.

"Is… is that alright?"

Heracles nodded. Kiku was unconvinced, but didn't feel like pushing the point further. First he had to find a place for him to sit. He didn't have much furniture in this room, save for his desk, a Japanese-style table, and his Japanese floor bed. Heracles asked why his table was so low and close to the ground as he sat down in his own relaxed manner, and Kiku explained to him tables were like that where he came from.

"Where are you from?"

"Kyoto, Japan," Kiku said, smiling a little upon thinking of his hometown. He wondered if Heracles came from somewhere far away too. "What about you?"

"Athens, Greece." Heracles closed his eyes, and Kiku couldn't help but think that he looked so peaceful thinking about his hometown. He opened his eyes again as the tea kettle started whistling and picked his head up from where he had been resting it on his hand, intrigued by the sound with a cat-like, alert curiosity.

Kiku thought about Athens as he turned his attention to the rattling kettle on his stove. It had always been a place that he wanted to visit and learn about. He wondered if Heracles wouldn't mind talking about it, but as he turned around to ask what kind of tea Heracles preferred, he saw that the man had fallen asleep. Again.

A hushed voice came from the direction of the door. "Hey, who's that?"

And somehow, he was going to have to explain this to Yong Soo, who had just walked in.

* * *

><p>To be continued.<p>

Anyway, thank you for your reviews and subscriptions and stuff. Yyou guys are writing reviews that are making me do things like squeal, blush, make tears come to my eyes (happy tears o' course), and roll around on the floor. Okay maybe not that last one. I do that one in my head.

You guys really do make my day though. Thank you ;_;


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

He had insisted on taking a bus. He said it would save money. Typical of Yao.

He got on the wrong bus, because he misread the English signs. Also typical of Yao.

Xiang would've helped Yao deal with all the English, being a fluent speaker, but apparently the Hong Konger was too upset at having his firecrackers confiscated at the airport to pay attention.

That really was the only way Mei could explain why the two were missing before turning away from Kiku and Yong Soo and rapid-firing Chinese into her cell phone again.

The call between her and Yao ended prematurely, before the location of either of the Chinese visitors could be determined. Somehow Xiang and Yao had even managed to get separated and were each wandering in an unknown sector of the city. And so Yong Soo, Kiku, and Mei diverged from the entrance to the dorms, each moving in different directions to search along the city's bus routes.

Yong Soo hadn't even walked for ten minutes before torrents of rain came pouring down. A city bathing in morning sunshine was suddenly washed in a light gray splurge. The droplets felt like pebbles dribbling down his face and pulling his cologne away.

The tall Korean took shelter in a nearby building, entering a polished lobby with black marble floors. He inhaled powerfully, detecting that hint of cologne remained, at least. He had dressed especially well today (in comparison to his usual late-night StarCraft-playing "outfit"), but even his shoes were already drenched to the point where they squeaked against the floor with every twitch of his foot. His clothes clung to him uncomfortably, but he evaluated himself to be at least presentable.

Glancing outside through the glass doors, Yong Soo observed how the rain hadn't subsided at all. The street looked like a black river, shimmering with the reflection of the buildings across the street, with its overflowing waters competing for the drain in the corner. Streetlights relit, fooled by the dimming blanket of the downpour. He would be stuck here for a while, it seemed. Briefly, he discussed this development with Mei and Kiku over a few texts. None of them had brought umbrellas. They would have to wait, and hope that Yao and Xiang found somewhere dry to stay as well.

"Stop that squeaking," an annoyed voice came from behind him.

Yong Soo turned around, grimacing as he accidentally squeaked his shoes against the polished floor again. The speaker glared at him for a moment.

"Sorry," he replied politely.

This person had a few luggages strewn about, half-zipped, and slightly damp. She must've just arrived in town from traveling, only to have been surprised by the sudden rain shower, like he was.

Yong Soo looked closer. This woman looked to be in her late 20s. Her long, straight black hair was still dripping. It appeared frazzled, as if she had been in a hurry, but still retained a silky shine. Nice. For some reason, she was hurriedly searching through her backpack. It was pretty tacky backpack for a woman of her age, almost like the hiking backpacks Asian fathers used. Yong Soo paused and looked away for a second, feeling a bit awkward about playing detective with a stranger's appearance. She hadn't noticed his staring yet.

Well, he might as well check her out. Maybe do it out of the corner of his eye, so if she looked up, he could easily pretend to have been only glancing by chance. Yong Soo turned away a little, accidentally squeaking his shoes again in the process.

Oops. She didn't look up. Good.

Her skin was really smooth, and her neck was slender and long. Her complexion seemed to glow from underneath her puffy rain jacket, which was oddly dry (she must've put it on after coming inside). His eyes wandered to her legs, which were also slender. He could deduce gentle curves of slight muscle from the tight fit of her leggings. What a strange outfit. The legs straightened, allowing Yong Soo to admire their length. The legs were moving towards him.

Oh.

"Can I help you?" the woman inquired. Her voice was a bit tomboyish. (Just like Yong Soo liked it.)

She stood three feet away from him, glaring at him for a few seconds. They stood in silence like that for while, looking at each other, before Yong Soo remembered that he had just been asked a question.

He decided to dodge it. "What's your name?"

She narrowed her eyes, as if hostile. "What do you need my name for?"

"Nothing," Yong Soo said innocently, breaking eye contact for a brief second, cocking his head smoothly a little. "I just like to know the names of gorgeous women such as yourself." He waited for a blush or smile of some sort, but the hostile vibes continued.

"You need my name? I have passport right here. I'm not illegal immigrant or criminal."

What.

Yong Soo picked up a hint of an accent. Ah. This lady must not know English that well. She might even be Korean. She looked East Asian, at the very least.

"No, no, I don't need your passport." The passport was quickly tucked away, into a pocket that Yong Soo didn't even know existed on that jacket. "I just want to know your name. I want to get to know you."

Her eyes were still narrowed and untrusting. "My name is Yao."

OH.

"Yao!" Yong Soo yelled out. "You're Yao!"

Yao nodded slowly and leaned back a little, alarmed. This American was behaving really erratically.

"Mei's looking for you," Yong Soo managed to sputter out. The sheer power of coincidence was making it hard for him to think through his amazement. (That, and all he could think about was how Yao was three times more attractive in person.)

Upon hearing Mei's name, Yao warmed up. "You know Mei?"

Fumbling with his phone, he managed to reply with "Yeah! Let me just call her." He heard the sound of ringing come several times before Mei's phone redirected him to voicemail. He hung up and tried again, a little frustrated that he had to keep his attractive company waiting. "She's not picking up, sorry. We'll just have to wait."

"Ah." Yao's eyes were no longer narrowed in suspicion. Yong Soo took this as a sign that maybe he had a chance to make a move, at least while this rain was still falling.

* * *

><p>Unluckily for Kiku, the rain caught him in the park. He dashed past the spot where he had bumped into Heracles the other day and found shelter in a pavilion-like pagoda near the lake, only to find that the roof provided little relief from the downpour. Water snuck in from little crevices and soaked the floor to the point where Kiku could make a small splash with each step. The benches along the border were in a similar condition.<p>

A faint mew snuck out from the constant sound of falling rain. Kiku paused from wringing his dripping sleeves to look around, and spotted a bedraggled round tail from underneath the bench.

It was the small tuxedo cat from the the other day, the same one that Kiku had named "Nekokichi". The weight of the rain made its once-puffy coat sag around its small frame, making it look twice as thin as before. It mewed again, pathetically and shakily, calling attention to its shivering.

Kiku regarded it with pity. It was so small, it may as well have been a kitten. Perhaps it was. But a motherless stray was not an uncommon occurrence. It mewed again, squeaking this time as if its voice was breaking.

No sense leaving it out in this rain. Kiku hadn't been able to locate Yao or Xiang, but he could bring Nekokichi home. First, he had to be able to approach it.

Nekokichi didn't seem as friendly as last time. As Kiku moved towards it, Nekokichi nervously pressed itself against the wall of the pagoda. What if it ran away? Heracles would be able to handle it better. He seemed to be a magnet for cats, judging from their previous encounter in the park.

"Kiku?"

Heracles, as if right on cue, approached the pagoda with red umbrella in one hand, and the other in the pocket of a brown leather jacket. He looked stunned.

"Heracles..." Kiku managed to say while exhaling. "What..."

"You're soaked." Heracles came closer so that the umbrella stood perfectly over both of them. "Let's find some place to dry you off."

"Ah- wait." A faint scent of leather coming from Heracles' jacket distracted him from his thoughts.

Green eyes looked at him and quietly waited for him to continue.

"Can we get Nekokichi out?" These words would've sounded utterly ridiculous coming out to anyone but Heracles. "He's over there."

Heracles nudged the umbrella into Kiku's hand as if to signal his understanding, and so Kiku held the umbrella over the both of them as Heracles tried to coax the nervous kitten out.

"You have to keep your distance," he murmured just loud enough over the rain, so that Kiku could hear his explanation. "He will approach you if you make him feel like he's initiating contact. Reach out your hand, like this." His hand gently moved towards the kitten, but not too closely, with the palm facing away from the kitten. "If he comes to smell your hand and rub against it, then that means he's accepted you and will be friendly."

The kitten didn't move for a while, but Heracles was unperturbed. "Of course, a kitten who has been soaked and out in the rain... he might be under too much stress to respond like that. Also, I smell like leather..." The hand started to drop. "Maybe it'll respond better to Kiku."

"Eh?" Kiku wasn't too sure of that, but Heracles stood up and gently took the umbrella from Kiku. He looked into Kiku's nervous eyes, making Kiku flush as if Heracles just opened a faucet of warmth into his cheeks.

"I'll do it with you."

Stop staring at me then, Kiku thought to himself, slightly frustrated. He wondered if there was some way to get his face to stop doing that. Maybe he could get Heracles to wear sunglasses. Everywhere. Even in the rain.

He imitated Heracles. First they both squatted, and Kiku reached his hand as far as Heracles'. Heracles, aware of the scent of his jacket, retracted his hand, and instead made a soft sound by sucking his teeth gently a few times. Nekokichi's ears suddenly went upright and turned to face the sound.

After a few moments, the kitten moved out from under the bench and into the protection of the umbrella, where it sniffed Kiku's outstretched hand.

"Stay still," Heracles advised.

The kitten seemed to drop its aura of defensiveness and pressed its face against Kiku's fingers. Heracles exhaled, as if he had been holding his breath from the suspense of waiting.

"Now move your hand across the top of its head and scratch behind one of his ears."

Kiku complied. The fur was cold and wet, but still soft. The kitten began to purr faintly and raised its head to meet Kiku's hand, and affection for the stray germinated somewhere in Kiku's heart. As if sensing it, Heracles smiled.

"Does your dorm allow pets?"

Kiku shook his head and was suddenly filled with disappointment. "But I'm hoping to get my own place soon, anyway." Which was the truth.

"I'll hold onto him for you until then."

"That'd be too much. It's alright."

"I do this a lot. One more kitten won't hurt."

For the first time, Kiku turned to look at Heracles face-on. A smile teased at his lips, but he didn't let it slip through. "Really?"

"Yeah."

The smile broke through a bit. "Thank you."

Heracles smiled too, in a way that made his eyes twinkle a bit. "Now let's dry both of you off." His place wasn't too far, but there was still time for conversation. Heracles wasn't one for talking, but he was curious to hear why Kiku was out in the rain.

* * *

><p>"I live above here," Heracles explained in response to the confusion on Kiku's face. They were, after all, standing in the store where he worked. Nekokichi was nestled safely in Heracles' arms, having adjusted to the smell of the leather jacket. By now, both Kiku and the kitten had dried off a little, but rainwater still dripped from Kiku's elbows. His shoes squished uncomfortably with each step. "...I have dry clothes you can borrow," Heracles added.<p>

"It's... fine," Kiku said. "I'll just wait here until the rain-" he stopped to sneeze a few times in succession. Never mind. Dry clothes sounded pretty nice.

Heracles narrowed his eyes a bit with concern. If he waited too long, Kiku would get sick. "Here." He gestured for Kiku to follow him, and together they made their way to the back of the store to the stairwell. Kiku became aware of how small the store was. It was much less like a grocery and more of a convenience store.

They walked up three floors, with Heracles ducking a few times because of the low ceiling. Even horizontally, the stairwell was cramped and almost a snug fit to Heracles' shoulders. How Heracles put up with this on a daily basis was beyond Kiku's imagination.

Eventually they reached Heracles' front door, which Heracles opened without taking out his keys.

"You leave your door unlocked?" Kiku asked, although he felt as if he was nagging.

Heracles stepped inside and removed his shoes. "I don't own the place," he revealed without hesitation.

You should still get a key, Kiku thought to himself. It's dangerous. But he didn't say anything.

Nekokichi started to struggle in Heracles' arms, impatient to walk around and shake the water off its body. As soon as his paws touched the floor, the kitten took off into the living room area (which was surprisingly neat considering how laidback Heracles seemed). Kiku's attention turned to the other side of the apartment, causing him to catch a glimpse of Heracles' bed.

For some reason, Kiku started to feel alarmed. What was he doing in the apartment of some man he didn't really know...? He didn't have much time to ponder this, however, as Heracles tossed him a towel.

"I need to get Nekokichi a towel too, and then I'll get dry clothes for you."

"O-okay." And Heracles went out of sight. A ringtone came from Kiku's pants pocket, reminding him of his original purpose in coming outside.

It was a text from Mei. "Where are you now?"

Kiku dried his hands, for the safety of his phone's keyboard. "I'm at Heracles' apartment," he typed, before deleting that immediately and replacing it with "I'm at the grocery."

"Yong Soo found Yao. I found Xiang djakgs ld jg fd safas2d"

Kiku stared at his phone screen for a second, bewildered. Another text from Mei followed quickly.

"Sorry about that. Xiang is a bit bored and irritated, so he's messing with my typing. Should we come get you?"

Kiku was in the middle of typing a reply when someone knocked on the door. Pounded, actually.

A deep voice came from the other side of the door. "Karpusi, you better be decent. I'm coming in!" It sounded angry.

Kiku could almost swear he could hear Heracles... swearing. From another room. He found himself being pulled rather roughly by the wrist into Heracles' bedroom, and frantic tan hands guiding him towards an open closet.

An instinct rose within him to resist. There was danger.

"Heracles-!" Kiku started to say before the look on Heracles' face cut him off. Heracles never had much facial expression, but something about the intense look in his eyes was pleading for Kiku to cooperate.

"I need to you to hide."

Kiku was in danger. But not because Heracles was shoving him into a closet, but because of the whoever was at the door.

"Please."

* * *

><p>To be continued.<p>

Thanks for your support and patience. I might be a slow updater but I'm not going to abandon this (anytime soon, at least).


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

Kiku had heard the metaphor for a heart beating like a drum against one's chest before, but never had he experienced it like he was here. In a dark closet, surrounded by clothing and towels, he dared not breathe. He dared not move, lest a floorboard creak and give away his presence.

He didn't even know what he was hiding from. Or why. In his mind, he uttered a prayer that would never reach outside his mind.

The sound of a door creaking as it opened reached his ear. "Where were you?" a gruff, brash voice asked in an almost accusatory tone. Kiku could easily differentiate it from Heracles' softer, gentler voice. "You weren't here when I stopped by earlier."

No response from Heracles. The sound of footsteps, heaving and intruding on the peace of the apartment, indicated that this visitor had entered, prompting Heracles to finally answer. "I was out. Went for a walk." The way he spoke sounded uncharacteristically curt to Kiku's ears, his words more like darts than sentences.

The darts missed their mark. "You're a shitty liar. Who the fuck goes for a walk in the pouring rain?" A pause. "Whose shoes are these?"

A stone seemed to sink right into Kiku's stomach. He was probably referring to Kiku's shoes, noticeably smaller than Heracles', left near the doorway where he had removed them.

"Dunno. Found them outside. Thought I'd let them dry before putting them in the lost and found." Heracles' voice was a bit quieter this time.

"You know you're not allowed to have visitors in here without my permission. I already put up with the furballs you bring in."

"There's no one else here," Heracles answered, voice somehow becoming even quieter, but maintaining a hint of defiance.

"Hn, really. Then you won't mind me doing this."

The conversation seemed to stop there. Kiku regained awareness of the sound of his own breathing and stopped it to listen closer. There were sounds of scuffling and a grunt reached his ears from outside. Soft, unfamiliar noises that made him uncomfortable, that seemed like they would never end. The sound of someone catching his breath and finally stepping away. A body making a light thud as it leaned against a wall.

The stone that had sunk in Kiku's stomach sunk further.

The next word to escape Heracles' mouth was one Kiku would've never expected him to say. "Bastard."

"Don't pretend you don't want more. I know how you respond to these things." No response. "Why are you glaring at me? It was just a kiss."

A kiss?

"Forget it. For now. I have some place to be. I don't want you leaving this place for the rest of the day."

As suddenly as he came, the visitor left, each heavy footstep on a stair driving the conversation Kiku just witnessed deeper into his mind. There were light, hurried footsteps approaching where he crouched, and the closet door opened. He felt himself being pulled upwards into bright light and cool air of the room outside the closet, and for a brief moment he was aware of the bedroom he was now standing in.

Green eyes met Kiku's unprepared brown ones. "You need to take your clothes off."

What.

"Y... You need to change," he clarified after an awkward pause. "Into something dry." A bit of embarrassed timidity creeping into his voice. "That's what I meant."

Kiku knew his cheeks were turning pink. "I-I'll do it myself." What did he think Heracles meant?

Heracles went to retrieve the dry change of clothes and left them by the doorway to give Kiku privacy. He changed quickly, not wanting to stew in the atmosphere any longer than he had to. His mind fumbled to make sense of what he just heard.

It clicked. Mei said Heracles had a boyfriend named Sadiq. That was probably the visitor at the door. Somehow, thinking about it made Kiku rather… irritated.

Of course the clothes were much too big, seeing as Heracles was much bigger than Kiku, but they were dry and clean, and after what Kiku had witnessed, they were like an armor of safety. He stepped out in the hallway and thanked Heracles, grateful that politeness was his reflex. A river of questions about the man at the door wanted to leave his mouth, but a dam held them back. Was it his place to pry? What was the right thing to say after hearing something like that?

He couldn't think of anything. "I should go before I intrude on you any further," Kiku said, missing the look that flashed on Heracles' face.

"Alright..."

Kiku turned to the door, wet clothes in arm. As if to stop him from leaving, Nekokichi moved between his ankles, purring and rubbing and stopping Kiku in his tracks.

"Ah, sorry." Heracles reached down and lifted the kitten into his arms, secretly grateful for its effort.

"It's fine."

He was halfway out the door when that low, soft voice spoke again, seeming to force words out. "Bye." Heracles seemed to shrink before Kiku's eyes, and Kiku suddenly saw that this tall, handsome man resembled an awkward, but gentle giant, more than anything else.

Kiku looked straight at him, as if he could write his feelings with his eyes. "I'll come back." A pause to think. "To return your clothes. And to check on... Nekokichi."

Heracles smiled. "I'd like that. Come by the store again soon."

* * *

><p>The first words out of Mei's lips were "So, where were you?"<p>

Kiku and Mei had reunited at the entrance of her apartment building, where they had agreed that everyone should gather, now that the rain had finally stopped. It hadn't been a long walk here, but the sun shone down powerfully enough to dry Kiku's hair. He moved into the shade of the awning, feeling the sun's warmth radiate from his black hair into the cooler air.

"...and what are you wearing?" she finally added, referring to the oversized T-shirt and jeans hanging like curtains on Kiku's body.

"I'll tell you later." _I myself barely know._ "Where's Xiang?" If he recalled correctly, Mei had texted him (before he was left to the mercy of Heracles' closet) about finding Xiang, and Yong Soo had located Yao.

"He's upstairs, unpacking his stuff. Yao and Yong Soo are going to be here any minute."

As if on cue, a worn out Yao and what looked like a very cheerful Yong Soo carrying numerous luggages and bags turned about the corner of the block. Mei squinted and double checked that it _was_ Yong Soo. It looked more like pile of bags with arms and long legs.

"What the…" Mei mumbled, just loud enough for Kiku to hear. Kiku was just as bewildered. Usually when he and Yong Soo went out (which was a rare event) Kiku was the one who ended up carrying things, not lazy Yong Soo. Mei could serve as witness to this. And here the goof was willingly carrying all of the belongings of someone he just met.

"Yao, what did you do?" Mei asked in Mandarin as everyone followed Yong Soo, who managed to fit his tower of cargo inside the entrance and make his way to an elevator. He had even refused Kiku's offer of help. That was new.

"What are you talking about?" Yao responded, more comfortable with his native language. "I said I was tired and your friend just carried everything for me. He's nice, but strange." The two of them went in a separate elevator from Yong Soo and Kiku to follow the two up to Mei's apartment.

"Oh my gosh," Mei breathed out. "He really thinks you're a woman." She pressed a button, and the elevator began to move after the doors closed.

"WHAT?" Yao screamed (in Chinese, of course).

"Are you sure you want me to tell him you're a man? The shock might kill him."

"You have to tell him!" Yao insisted indignantly. "Now that I think about it, he was definitely hitting on me!" Horror, disgust, and embarrassment was written all over Yao's face, and Mei stifled a giggle. "How could he think I'm a woman?"

"I don't think you want me to answer that," Mei managed to say, fighting against laughter even harder. The elevator's doors opened and she guided Yao to her apartment, where her front door was wide open. "Anyway, it's good to see you again."

Xiang stood near the doorway, greeting them both with his usual deadpan expression. His hair was a bit out of order from the day's events, what with a few hairs curling up here and there, but at least his clothes were dry. He and Kiku briefly introduced themselves to each other before Xiang turned to face the new arrivals. "There's not enough room in your apartment, Mei. You might not be able to fit both Teacher and me."

"Ahh, really?" Mei sighed. "It's because Yao brought too much stuff."

"I know you're talking about me," Yao grumbled in Chinese. He did catch notice of Kiku and as they were introducing themselves to each other, Yong Soo joined them all in Mei's hallway, having overheard the exchange.

"She can stay at my place!" Yong Soo volunteered, raising his hand a bit too eagerly for a joke.

"Oh boy," Mei mumbled to herself before speaking up. "Yong Soo, there's something I have to tell you, about Yao-"

Xiang put an arm in front of Mei to stop her. His thick eyebrows twitched once, twice, and something devious came to mind. Mei swore she saw a smile creep into the teenage boy's blank face, just barely, and it gave her a sense of impending doom.

"Yes, _she_ can," Xiang agreed flatly to the eager Korean, deliberately referring to Yao as a woman. "Why don't you start moving _her_ stuff over to your place right now?"

Mei and Yao stared at their Hong Konger friend in disbelief for a moment before something clicked between the both of them and Mei smiled at Yong Soo. "That's a great idea. Fine by me. You'd be helping out."

Yong Soo gaped at his friends. He didn't expect anyone to actually agree to this. But he suspected no foul play and turned to Yao, making sure to turn on his extra handsome power for his request to follow. "Are you okay with this, m'lady?"

Before Yao could process these events and react, possibly violently, Mei darted between them and nervously interjected, "in fact, why don't you two get started on moving stuff right now? Yong Soo's building is not too far from here, and Yao probably needs to change into dry clothes."

Yong Soo was happy to comply and started leaving with Yao's bags immediately, unfazed by their weight and oblivious to the rapid firing of Chinese arguing between Yao and Mei behind him. Xiang, still expressionless, slipped silently into another room to resume unpacking, satisfied with having set his plan in motion.

Kiku felt very alone in that he was the only one concerned. Concerned that no one seemed to have a problem with the idea of letting Yong Soo live with someone he wanted to make out with, but unbeknownst to him, probably wouldn't even fit his sexual preference.

* * *

><p>That evening had been bewildering for Yao.<p>

Mei was someone he was familiar with, someone he had known for years. Although sometimes she didn't listen to him, she was nowhere near the level of trouble Xiang caused, and she was responsible, trustworthy, reliable... so naturally, he would want to stay with her while he was in a foreign country, right?

And suddenly he was stuck with this person. Yong Soo, his name was. He was quite tall and more energetic than hospitable, although plentiful in both virtues. His black hair, typical of East Asians, framed his face and left his forehead exposed (although Yao was of the opinion that he needed a haircut). He wasn't bad looking, though... he had nice facial structure. It wasn't as feminine as some of the male Korean celebrities Yao had seen on magazine covers, but it wasn't too masculine either. There was a sort of gender-neutral grace about Yong Soo's face... and dared he say it, beauty.

Of course, any semblance of grace or beauty that Yao could detect was completely blocked by Yong Soo's… aura. Yao didn't really know how to describe it. The way this man carried himself and looked at Yao reminded him of a puppy before anything else. He barely stopped making eye contact with Yao the entire time they were stuck in that building together, and a few times Yao felt like he was just a bit too close together for his comfort. He almost expected this man to start barking and sticking his tongue out, like a puppy. Maybe it was an American thing to be really friendly.

Well, they were stuck together for now, so Yao would try to be open to this. He was, after all, a guest. Hopefully the host would be just as tolerant.

Yong Soo wasn't just tolerant. He eagerly carried Yao's baggages, set up a sleeping space, showed him around. Yao almost wished Yong Soo would be less welcoming; it was starting to make him uneasy.

The scent of Yong Soo's cologne only reminded Yao of his awkward situation. He was 100% sure, judging from not only Yong Soo's behavior, but Xiang and Mei's (they were definitely up to something, and it wasn't going to end well for him), that this person thought he was a woman. Unfortunately, cologne was not going to impress Yao, and neither was being of the male sex.

"I'll give you a chance to wash up," Yong Soo offered, handing Yao a clean towel. Yao carried his bathrobe and a bag of toiletries in his other hand, wondering how Yong Soo was not noticing the labels on his shampoo reading "FOR MEN."

Then again, they were written in Chinese. Dammit. He would have to explain later. Why had Mei and Xiang put him in this position?

He showered quickly, wanting to get it all over with as soon as possible.

Meanwhile, Yong Soo had finished setting up a place for Yao to sleep and was left to pace about his living room area, hoping that Yao would take "her" time in the shower. Yao, in his shower. Wow. He flushed a bit, ashamed with himself. He wasn't going to do anything, he wasn't planning anything. Yao was probably tired from traveling and was probably thinking about unpacking before anything else. And something else discouraged him- Yao didn't seem interested.

Well then, there wasn't much that Yong Soo could do, then. Maybe Yao was just cold, but cold still meant not interested enough to warm up.

Maybe Yao was also nervous about staying with a man she didn't know. Yong Soo hadn't thought about that until now. Why didn't Mei say anything? Of course he would never try to take advantage of the situation, but he wouldn't blame Yao for being nervous.

Sighing in frustration, Yong Soo began to remove his shirt (there was a bit of sweat from carrying all those bags), flinging it over a chair before pausing and picking it up again. He couldn't be that slovenly with a guest in the house. The cool air of his apartment closed in around his arms and shoulders, stopping where the thick straps of his tank top underneath hugged against his torso.

"Ah."

Yong Soo turned around, and Yao stood there in a bathrobe, hair dripping wet, almost gawking at him. Yong Soo suddenly felt like he was naked and turned a bit pink, fumbling with the removed shirt in his hands and becoming really fascinated with it. He felt like he was in the opening scene of a porno, and felt really awkward about it.

"Sorry, I thought you would've been in there longer." His voice cracked a bit. "You should go get dressed. I set up this space for you and you can change here. I'll leave."

"Wait," Yao interrupted, making Yong Soo's head whip up faster than his neck could handle. "There's something I need to say."

Yong Soo had no idea why, but now Yao was approaching him clad only in a bathrobe and her skin was freshly washed and still damp and her hair was dripping and Yong Soo could smell the soap that she used-

Something about that soap was awfully familiar.

Yao had this completely serious look on her face. Yong Soo's heart was leaping in ten directions at once. He didn't remember his body reacting like this with any previous women he had been with. Suddenly all Yong Soo could see was the bathrobe coming down Yao's shoulders and he moved back and looked away.

"Wait, wait, this is too fast." He could feel his pulse like a hammer in his neck, his ears, other places...

Somehow managing to think quickly, Yong Soo jerked Yao's bathrobe up back up around her shoulders without looking and sat them both down on the couch. He wasn't ready to see her naked. They had just met. Seriously. But he wouldn't object to making out, if Yao was ready to go that far. She had just attempted to strip in front of him, but Yong Soo was the one who wasn't ready.

"I just met you," he started. "This is crazy." Yong Soo turned to face her, taking in her eyes, nose, and lips all at once with a glance. One hand was already on her face. Their lips were probably only inches apart.

He could smell her soap from here.

Yao's eyes widened, and for a second, Yong Soo thought she was going to pull away and punch him in the face.

She didn't.

Instead, Yong Soo heard an "AIYAHHHHHHH!" and in an incredible feat of flexibility and speed, she kicked him in the face.

He had been smelling men's soap.

* * *

><p>Kiku had picked up his dating sim again. Somehow his dedication to 2D love faded in recent days, and now he was attempting to revive it during a "study break". A slight feeling of shame for abandoning Hera-chan for so long pressed down on him, and now he was going to make up for it. He was in the middle of an extremely explicit scene when knocking came to his door.<p>

It took some hurried, frantic minimizing and self-composing before Kiku could answer his visitor. To his surprise, Yong Soo stood there with an ice pack to his cheek and a sullen, serious look on his face.

This, combined with the lack of Yong Soo's usual quip about Kiku's 2D love hobby, raised alarms for Kiku.

Yong Soo spoke first, before Kiku could ask, making direct eye contact.

"Yao is a man."

Ah. "…Yes."

"You knew this."

"...Yes."

"Everyone knew this."

Kiku couldn't even answer anymore. A mixture of pity and laughter was brewing within him and his usual deadpan expression started to waver. He was tempted to ask how Yong Soo didn't notice for so long.

"Kiku, how do you know if you're... gay?"

"...What?" The laughter within him dissipated. This was the last direction Kiku expected the conversation to turn towards.

"Seriously."

"Yong Soo, you didn't know he was a man." Is that what Yong Soo meant?

Yong Soo suddenly... blushed?

Awkward silence. (Now that Kiku thought about it, his life was filled with those.)

His Korean friend looked at him for a bit before turning away. "You're right..." He ran a hand through his hair. Kiku had never seen him in this state. It was unnerving. Yong Soo's face was meant to smile like an idiot, not to do things like… frown and look contemplative. "I'm losing my mind. Forget that I said anything."

The conversation was a tornado that had swept between them both, leaving Yong Soo vulnerable and Kiku speechless. Like he was seeing a new part of his friend and he didn't know how to react. "It doesn't change who you are," Kiku started, answering a need inside him to reach out to his friend- a sensation that had, up until that point, been completely absent from his friendship with Yong Soo. "You'd still be the same person."

Yong Soo turned towards him and looked him right in the eyes for the second time that night. They had made eye contact many times over the months of their pseudo-friendship, but it was like they were seeing each other for the first time. "Yeah."

Before Yong Soo departed, he managed to make a wisecrack at Kiku's dating sim hobby, as if to signal that he would be fine. At least that's how Kiku read it. For the first time, he wasn't irritated about it.

Unfortunately, he couldn't go back to playing his game. He had been interrupted in the middle of a pretty graphic scene, for starters, but now Kiku's mind was too grounded in the recent events of the physical world. He was distracted. It was actually hard to re-absorb himself in 2D when so much had happened. Thoughts of Hera-chan were being replaced by real people.

Mei, Kiku's second visitor that evening, stopped by on her way to Yong Soo's place. She had a package to deliver, and needed to check up on Yao.

"Has Yong Soo said anything about Yao yet?" Mei asked, sitting at the table, small package in her lap.

He paused for a bit, forming the sentence carefully before lying. "No, he hasn't told me anything, at least." He was lying, but at the same time, he didn't really know what to tell her, seeing as he didn't hear any details of what happened. Mei would find out later herself, anyway.

"Ahh, I see." She played around with the package in her lap, looking down. "I wonder if it was a really bad idea to play that joke on him. He might get mad and there might be trouble for Yao. I don't know how he'll react, really. I'm not sure why I went along with what Xiang did, since he's always been a bit of a troublemaker."

_Yong Soo wasn't really mad. He just ended up questioning his sexuality._ "Everything will be fine." He didn't want to see Mei troubled over this, but he wasn't sure if he could console her at all.

A slight nod in response. Mei let the topic slide and moved onto something of more interest to her. "I see you've changed back into your own clothes. Where did you end up going during the rain earlier today?"

Ah, crap. Kiku couldn't think of how to explain it. He didn't want to lie.

"It's okay, you don't have to tell me if it's that private," Mei relented after Kiku's unnatural pause.

Kiku looked over Mei's shoulder, focusing on nothing in particular. What he had witnessed at Heracles' place was extremely private... it was something he was never meant to hear, and definitely not meant for him to share with other people.

It probably wouldn't hurt to at least tell her where he was. So he did. He bared details of some of their previous encounters too.

"So you've been hanging around Heracles quite a bit for the past few days, huh?"

Kiku nodded. It was a harmless thing to share, and it was the truth.

Mei pondered this, smiling. "It's a bit surprising, though. You two don't strike me as the type who would become friends."

Kiku had never thought of it as surprising before. "We actually have a few things in common."

…Like what? Cats? Their encounters seemed much more like coincidences and while Heracles sometimes had this… this calming energy about him, sometimes the way he acted did made Kiku feel strange, too. He was really mysterious, and Kiku had no idea how to communicate with him! "Okay, not really. I don't even know that much about him."

Mei paused before putting forth her thoughts. "I don't know Heracles that well, but from what I've heard, he's a bit, um, promiscuous. With men."

Kiku looked at Mei blankly, unable to absorb her words. "Oh."

She became apologetic immediately. "It's most likely a load of awful gossip. He seems really nice, so it shouldn't matter."

Kiku couldn't picture it. Quiet, laidback Heracles, sleeping around with men. A gentle giant that seemed like he had a lot of things on his mind, but no way to put it into words. It definitely seemed like some silly rumor. But then he thought back to Heracles, looking at him with a certain look in his eyes, smiling way too attractively, and dishing out comments that seemed intended to make Kiku blush. Two sides of a coin he couldn't piece together at all.

Not to mention that Heracles was currently dating a man.

The Italian cashier from the other day had mentioned something about boyfriends, too. He had mistakenly assumed that Kiku was Heracles' latest… fling.

Kiku's silence made Mei nervous, so she tried to find some way to change the topic.

"I wonder what's inside this package that Xiang wanted me to deliver, by the way," Mei pondered. "Should I open it? I don't think Yong Soo would mind me looking at it before giving it to him."

Kiku, briefly distracted, only answered with a shrug.

They opened it together to find it filled with condoms.

* * *

><p>Not much peace was had by anyone that night. Mei returned to her apartment to yell at Xiang, who was accustomed to silently withstanding her scolding, only amused that she had delivered the package anyway. From the start, Yong Soo and Yao were to sleep in separate rooms, and while Yao seemed immune to jetlag and slept perfectly now that he had revealed the truth, Yong Soo's mind was spinning with thoughts he'd never expect that he would ever think. Receiving tons of condoms from Xiang only aggravated his problem. However, he too, eventually slept.<p>

Kiku, on the other hand, gave up on his game completely, although this was not to say that he slept, either. Two trains of thought simultaneously circled his head, neither of which were destined for answers. The thought that Heracles could be attracted to him that way. Heracles and Sadiq.

Now Kiku couldn't stop himself from picturing it. He had always been a quiet supporter of gay rights, occasionally looking into yaoi and whatnot, but imagining- no, being in the presence of real homosexual men doing sexual things? Not something he would have ever planned. Going on a date with a real girl was already a big step from 2D love for him, but dating a man?

Gay 3D love?

Wait, why was he even thinking about this? The relationship was between Sadiq and Heracles. It didn't involve him.

Kiku, frustrated and feeling embarrassed at himself for some reason, put his head down on his desk and grinded it back and forth slowly. He tried to focus on the visitor at Heracles' door. Would he even be allowed to return?

He searched for words to describe what he had heard. Kiku wasn't sure of the details of their relationship, but thinking back, Heracles didn't seem too pleased at having Sadiq around. Sadiq said something about not having visitors, which was probably why Kiku had to hide in a closet. Evidently Heracles didn't want Kiku to get into trouble, or for Sadiq to get the wrong idea.

It wasn't like Heracles and Kiku were doing anything that would constitute cheating. Kiku didn't even feel that way about Heracles. And Heracles just wanted to be friends.

_"I like Kiku."_

Hopefully.

* * *

><p>Someone was having an equally restless time falling asleep in another part of town. Normally, with a cat as warm and cuddly as Nekokichi sleeping on his belly, Heracles would doze off to sleep immediately. In fact, seeing as how he had a tendency to fall asleep at inappropriate times, he was at a loss with how to deal with his sleeplessness now.<p>

Perhaps it was because of Kiku. Kiku in his closet, no doubt having heard everything.

He took a deep breath, tracing the outlines of shadows on his ceiling. How long had he known Kiku? A few days at the most. But it was the first few days in which he had talked and been around someone besides Sadiq in such in a long time. And he liked the cute little college student, and he wanted him to know it, and to be happy about it.

But having Kiku around would surely turn Sadiq on them both.

Even so, when Kiku said he would come by again, it made Heracles really happy, the kind of happy that makes you glow like a lantern, long enough to last for a while. It also made him afraid. He wanted to see Kiku again, but not in a way that put him in danger.

He would protect Kiku at all costs.

* * *

><p>To be continued.<p>

Thanks for the Vietnam name suggestion, YuriFTW! I like the sound of it. Lien Trang. I'll consider it, definitely, along with any other suggestions people might have!


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

Kiku had promised he would go back to return Heracles' clothes. And to check on the cat, although it was obvious he wasn't just referring to the cat.

But he didn't. Not for a while. It wasn't quite that he didn't want to see Heracles. Something about facing Heracles again seemed frightening, like Kiku would be seeing some part of himself he didn't want to acknowledge. To be fair, he didn't really promise, he just said that he would do it. Which was basically the same.

The clothes lay in a neat, folded pile on the table beside his bed, separate from Kiku's own clothes, and having no predetermined place in the organization of his room. Looking at them filled Kiku with a little shame, for they served as a reminder of what he still had to do. He had already washed them, but the smell of Heracles could not succumb to Kiku's laundry detergent.

He spent his nights falling asleep with the scent of Heracles wafting over to his pillow and spreading from his nose to his lungs out to his fingertips. It poured something into him, an anonymous feeling that yearned for a name, but Kiku's mind swallowed the word every time.

When (why) did it start? The pile of clothes, although its fading scent was pleasant, glared at him constantly like a pair of eyes in the dark of his bedroom at night. His days passed, in lectures and in textbooks, in the antics of his friends. He was happy, he supposed, although he constantly felt unpleasant. Was it irritation or anxiety? He couldn't pinpoint it.

There was only one evening in which Kiku could find escape from these thoughts. Yao and Xiang would only be staying temporarily before exploring America on a Asian tourist bus, and then they would return two weeks later in time for Mei's Vietnamese friend to arrive. It was decided that everyone should go out to eat as a group before everyone was separated.

"You'll probably have to pry Kiku from his computer," Yong Soo warned Mei, teasing at Kiku's expense. "He's a bit of the otaku type and doesn't like to go out very much."

She laughed a little nervously in response. Kiku had struck her as a simply nice, and slightly awkward guy, although she could picture him like that. Well, it didn't make a difference. Kiku showed up outside the building without delay or complaint that evening, clad in clean sweatshirt and walking shoes. They were hitting town on foot.

Yong Soo was impressed. "When I try to make you go out you usually grumble and act all irritated. But you don't have a problem coming if there's a pretty lady involved?"

Mei subconsciously toyed with her hair. Her eyes darted around a bit, only to affirm she was the only lady there.

Kiku's cheeks turned a bit pink, but he wasn't planning on losing to Yong Soo, not when he had sweet, delicious ammo to return fire with. "At least I know a lady when I see one."

Ouch. For a half-second, Kiku regretted those words. Maybe that was too harsh, too soon. Participating in verbal spars was never in his nature. But Yong Soo looked indignant instead of truly hurt, and it felt like victory instead. Xiang regarded Kiku with a look of approval. Yao had a vague feeling they had talked about him and pouted.

The five of them had gathered to go out to eat, brushing aside the chaos that ensued a few days ago in favor of a more harmonious day. Well, mostly brushing aside. Awkwardness couldn't help but cling to the air around them. Yao made sure to walk on the opposite side of the group as Yong Soo, who tried not to feel hurt. Yao had been polite, but cold for the past few days. It would take time after that hot mess for Yao to warm up to him, and well, for him to warm up to the idea of Yao as a man.

At least the weather was nice. It was a cool fall evening, and a constantly warm ocean breeze reminded them that summer was on its last breath. As they crossed streets and traversed blocks, shops and restaurants became more numerous, bustling and pushing against each other for space on the sidewalk. The downtown area was less busy than on the weekends, but nevertheless, a constant flow of people kept the area alive and full of moving light and sound. Yao observed everything with a bit of wonder and wariness, surrounded by utterly foreign signs and people. Xiang, on the other hand, busied himself with his phone.

"You should look around," Yao said a bit too naggingly. "There will be plenty of time to go on your phone later."

"Well," Xiang started without looking up, "I just got a message from an online friend who's staying around here. He invited us over to the beach. We could go there later."

Everyone stopped walking and stared at him.

"What? It's not like he's some sort of sexual predator. I've seen his face, it's fine. We follow each other's blogs and play MMOs together. His name's Ice."

"MMOs?" Yong Soo responded reflexively. "Hey, I play them too!"

And before Mei could ask Xiang about "Ice", Yong Soo had monopolized him in a discussion of online games and exchanging information. How odd. Xiang rarely seemed interested in other people, but this never-before-mentioned Ice seemed like a... close friend? On top of that, an internet friend. She had a few of those too and couldn't help being curious and excited about Xiang meeting his own online friend in person.

They ended up eating at an Italian restaurant that evening, giving Xiang and Yao a taste of what food America had to offer. They were mostly impressed with the amount of cheese on everything (given that cheese was something they rarely ever ate back home). Yong Soo somehow ended up seated next to Yao, much to Yao's chagrin. Yong Soo viewed this as an opportunity to land on Yao's good side and be helpful. So Yao wasn't a chick, okay. Bromance was worth a try.

He went down the menu with Yao, asking questions. "You like cheese?"

"No cheese."

"How about this one? It has olives." He leaned over, moving the menu so that both of them could see it, and pointed.

"Olives?" Yao repeated slowly, narrowing his eyes in concentration. He didn't recognize the word. Yong Soo caught himself watching Yao's lips move. It was stupidly hypnotic.

"Look how close they're leaning in towards each other," Xiang commented casually, not taking interest in Yong Soo's flabbergasted reaction. "You look like a couple."

This prompted Yao to suddenly jerk his body away from Yong Soo, flailing flusteredly a bit in the process.

But Yong Soo was not one for sitting back and being defenseless. Flexible with his tactics, he played along. "You don't have to sound so jealous, Xiang. I'd be happy to offer you the same treatment." He turned to Kiku, who was trying to stay as absorbed in the menu as much as possible. "You too, Kiku." He puffed out his chest and batted his eyelashes a bit too much for anyone's comfort level.

_Don't involve me in this don't involve me don't involve me oh god._ Kiku raised his menu a little higher and hunched over a bit. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Yao do the same.

The waitress was taking too long.

The rest of the meal went a bit more smoothly. Yao complained about the size of the portions, but Xiang responded that therefore it was perfect for his bottomless pit of a stomach. Yao snapped back at him in Mandarin, but Xiang wasn't disturbed.

After all had been eaten and paid for, they relocated to the beach, where Xiang and Ice would meet in person for the first time. Mei, as Xiang's longtime friend, was beginning to anticipate the cinematic qualities of this planned encounter, and searched Xiang for signs of any emotion. She tried to read his body language for a rare sighting of anxiety or excitement, although Xiang seemed to be moving along as usual.

He did explain on the way that Ice's real name was Emil, but he called him Ice because of his online username. And Ice _was_ a bit like ice. His hair was an unusual shade of silver, but it seemed natural on him, in the same way that some people can pull off blue hair like they were born with it. Maybe he was born with it. And for someone who lived on a beach, his complexion looked like it sprung from fallen snow.

They saw each other at the same time, and Xiang quickened his walking pace to almost-running. His arms opened and tried to hug Ice without saying a word, but Ice made a face and pushed him away.

"What are you doing, Ziang?!"

Xiang normally would have persisted, but he raised an eyebrow and gave up his attempt to embrace his friend. "Ziang?"

"Isn't that your name?"

"No."

"What? Who are you, then?!" Ice started to back away, eyeing Xiang and the four Asian strangers behind him with wariness.

"It's me, Ice," Xiang said, holding out his arms for a hug again. At this point, Kiku could tell that he was doing it just to tease his friend. "Look at my eyebrows. In person. Better than webcam quality." Xiang was holding his arms out, so he flipped his hair back to point out them out.

"It is you," Ice said, his face softening in recognition.

"Hug me." Xiang stepped closer, and Ice resumed backing away.

"No!"

"Hug."

"No way!"

Ice backed right into the water and fell over. His Asian pursuer fell after him and embraced him there, full-on pressing his whole body down, Ice protesting the whole way, yelling about how the water was really cold and now he was soaked and that he hadn't expected "Ziang" to be so touchy-feely the first time they met.

Ice hadn't planned to end up in the water, so he went back up to his room so he could dry off and change, quickly exchanging introductions with the group on his way. He refused when Xiang insisted on tagging along, but didn't protest when Xiang accompanied him inside anyway.

Mei and Yao exchanged slightly worried glances.

In the hotel elevator, Xiang finally brought up his name.

"You pronounced it 'Ziang.' It's supposed to be pronounced 'Shiang.'"

"Oh. You could've told me."

"It was funnier to let you keep mispronouncing it. I did tell you once, but you were probably drunk."

Ice suddenly turned a bit pink. "I don't drink."

"You just don't remember it. You left me, like, 20 drunk voicemails once. I considered picking up after I noticed the 12th call, but I let you keep going. They're all still in here," Xiang revealed, waving his cell phone in front of him. Ice opened his mouth, closed it, and opened it again. "I should play them out loud."

Ice's outstretched hands went straight for the cell phone as if his life depended on confiscating it, but he was circumvented by a few swift movements. Glaring at Xiang and turning redder with each passing second, he wondered if he should bother trying to take something from someone well-versed in martial arts. He probably looked like an utter fool flailing after someone smaller than him, but those voicemails had to go.

Xiang didn't even look phased by Ice's attempt. He never did seemed phased by much, as far as Ice could remember. That was kinda infuriating too.

Eventually the elevator doors opened again and Ice ceased his efforts, straightening himself so he towered a bit over the Asian boy next to him.

"Don't you have four older brothers?" Xiang asked, following Ice through the twists and turns of the hallways.

"They're out right now."

Xiang didn't blink. "So we'll be alone?"

"It's creepy if you say it like that." They arrived at Ice's front door, but Ice didn't reach for the doorknob or his keys. He looked at Xiang over his shoulder. "What?" Xiang was looking right at him.

"Nothing."

Ice dipped his key into the card reader on the door, and the door's click was like a jolt to Xiang's body, making him flinch just a bit. Behind that door was Ice's empty living space. They went inside.

Xiang felt like he was stepping into a dream. He only met Ice in person for the first time a few minutes ago, and suddenly they were alone. For one of the first times in his life, he felt pressured to say something interesting. As they were removing their shoes, Xiang took all of Ice in with his eyes. The boy was much more stunning in person. His hair was tousled and bit unkempt, but it looked good, like in that flattering bedhead way. He had a slender neck and thick eyelashes that looked as soft as feathers but as shiny as silver. How was someone this good-looking just playing games online all the time? And single? He was slightly taller than Xiang too, which came as a surprise.

"I didn't think you'd be taller than me."

"What else are you surprised about?" Ice replied, hiding his earnest curiosity as best as he could.

"Your face looks even more girlish in person."

"Sh… shut up."

"I'm just saying that it's, like, pretty." Xiang tried to sound nonchalant, but his voice cracked a bit and his verbal tic slipped in. He broke eye contact with Ice, feeling a bit warm. What was he getting flustered about? He'd been talking to this person over electronic forms of communication for almost two years by now. Then again, something about the physical being moving in real time before him, a human mass, awakened something new in Xiang.

Ice's clothes, soaked with seawater, clung to every curve of his torso. Each drop that fell from his silver hair felt like the impatient ticking of a countdown.

He swallowed hard. The dark blue eyes were looking right at him now, as if they could see everything that was going through Xiang's mind and everything that was running through his veins. They also looked more violet in person. Another surprise.

Ice didn't say anything.

Minutes from now, Xiang would see the violet eyes close a mere few inches from his face and feel the silver eyelashes would brush against his cheek. The slight scent of seawater would fill him and warmth would meet his lips, igniting him like a flame.

* * *

><p>The other four walked alongside the shore, taking in the warm ocean breeze and the rhythm of the waves crashing off the shore and drawing back into the sea. The sand still gave off the heat it had accumulated under the direct sun of the day, like a glow beneath their feet. Kiku could feel the sand squeeze in between his toes and shift as his heel lifted to take another step.<p>

He wondered how he had lived so close to such a great relaxing spot for years without ever setting foot in it. There were a lot of things Kiku didn't know about the surrounding city.

He heard Yao raise his voice in protest. "D-delete that, right now!"

Looking over, he saw Mei giggling, looking up from the cell phone in her hands to Yong Soo, who was leaning towards the conversation, intrigued. She transferred the phone to him, smiling mischievously.

Kiku caught a glimpse. It was a picture of Yao in a dress. The same one that had led him to believe Yao was a woman. With understanding eyes, he realized that Yao's physique was slightly androgynous but still muscular. He could've just as easily believed that this was a picture of a man in a dress if someone told him. Maybe Yong Soo would've seen it that way if he wasn't a bit horny the first time he saw it.

"You look good," Yong Soo said, grinning widely. Yao's mouth opened and closed a few times, but he couldn't help looking just a _bit_ pleased. It was true. It didn't feel dignified, but his legs really rocked dresses. "But why are you wearing one?"

"He got pretty drunk," Mei explained.

"I never drink too much." Yao spluttered, all hint of feeling flattered gone.

Mei smiled knowingly. "Once, he got so drunk he hit on some British guy at a bar with these huge, thick eyebrows."

The key word for Yong Soo here was "guy." The key word for Yao was "British." For Kiku, he was just trying to picture Yao hitting on someone at all, or someone with monstrous eyebrows. Several anime characters came to mind.

"Don't bring him up!" Yao seethed, genuinely provoked by the mentioning of this person. Mei didn't look at him, but spoke not another word. And Yong Soo was suddenly absorbed in his thoughts. Cue silence.

"So how did he react when he realized you were a woman?" Mei broke the silence with a whisper after waiting for Yao to calm down. She whispered, of course, in Mandarin.

Yao cleared his throat as quietly as he could. "He touched my chest." _After I got out of the shower and kicked him in the face when he got too close. But I'll leave that part out._

"What?" Mei put a hand over her mouth, but could not help but look absolutely giddy. This was stuff of Korean dramas. Yao shot her a warning look, but he couldn't hide the pink spreading over his own face.

"He put his shirt back on after that."

"He took his shirt off?" Mei could barely keep her volume down, despite that no one else around them could understand what they were saying. She felt like shouting. "Wait, why did you kick him in the face?!"

"Are you guys talking about me?" Yong Soo butted in, glad that the atmosphere was clearing up.

"Did you really touch his chest?!" Mei asked, reverting back to English for Yong Soo.

"He can touch mine back, if he wants," Yong Soo said, winking.

"N-no way!"

"Kiku can, too."

"Please don't involve me in this."

"Okay." Yong Soo's pectorals went completely untouched and neglected that night. Eventually he ended up chasing Yao around, wanting to reenact yesterday's chest groping for Mei, although it wouldn't be far fetched to also say that teasing Yao was just plain fun.

Even Kiku started to smile and laugh a little, prompting the other three to turn around and stare at him.

Mei came to a realization. "Oh no! Xiang missed it!"

"Missed what?" Kiku said, smile frozen in place. Why were they looking at him? Was he doing something wrong?

"You're smiling! Quick, I have to take a picture!" She brought out her phone and pressed five buttons within the span of a second. "Hold that smile!"

He was confused, but he tried his best to remain natural in front of the camera. The cell phone played a snapshot noise, but Mei frowned at her result, dissatisfied.

"Nope, looks forced now."

Well, he was more confused than happy now. Why did they want a picture of him smiling? Did he really not smile that much that they felt the need to get a picture of it? He felt a little miffed. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay! Can you smile for me again?" Mei tried to encourage him. "C'mon, Kiku, you have a really cute smile!"

"Yeah! If you were a girl I'd probably ask you out after seeing a smile like that!" Yong Soo added in, but to his discredit, he asked out lots of girls, and had accidentally made a move on a guy. Kiku was not convinced.

He just wanted to hide his face, feeling shame from the exposure. Wanting to avoid them suddenly, he turned away and kept walking by himself for a few seconds before the sensation of wiggling fingers at his sides prompted him to burst out into laughter. Barely able to look up, but able to make out Mei taking more pictures. At some point this tickling had to stop, before Kiku wet himself or suffocated.

"Please!" he managed to yell out between sharp intakes of breath. "No more!"

The rush of endorphins from that outburst left him feeling like a powerful gust had just swept through him and taken all his anxiety with it. He caught his breath and then smiled for real. He was irritated that they had violated his personal space, but he couldn't but feel happy. He was part of their group. In their own way, they were including him.

So he included himself. Bringing out his own cell phone, he pointed it back at Mei and took a candid shot before she could prepare herself.

"Nooooo," she wailed, fixing around her wind-blown hair as though it would change the picture that Kiku took. Giving up, she came over to Kiku, demanding to see, only to be annoyed that Yong Soo's overly photogenic self had to be right next to her in that shot. "It's not fair. He's a goof but he looks good in every picture anyone ever takes of him."

Yong Soo pushed his hair back, feeling incredibly flattered. "What are you guys saying," he said, not really asking. "Are you saying you want to date me?"

"Hell no," Yao replied, as if the question was directed at him.

At a later point, they attempted a self-taken group picture. A "group selca," Yong Soo had called it. But because he was both the one holding the camera and the tallest of the group, it looked more like a picture of him with the tops of three heads next to him, cut off by the bottom of the picture. Yao, who was in the middle comfortably next to him (or uncomfortably, if Yao willed himself to think so), exasperatedly took the camera from him.

"I'll do it."

And thus came Kiku's first ever visual proof of having friends. When he went home that night, he taped the picture to his wall, feeling tired but fond.

* * *

><p>Days passed, until it had been almost two weeks. Kiku knew he would have to do it eventually, before it got to the point where waiting too long meant going back was no longer an option. Every time he built up a mindset to go, however, one more thing stopped him.<p>

Sadiq. A name without a face or body to put it to, a name with disproportionate power.

That was, until Kiku met Sadiq himself.

It was a chance encounter. Kiku was stopping by one of the college cafes for something to drink after his lecture-a routine, weekly visit. The man next to him asked him if he had any recommendations as to the cafe's menu, and Kiku replied. An average, everyday exchange, until the man shifted gears and zoomed forward.

"What's your name?"

"Kiku Honda. Yours?"

"Sadiq Adnan. Nice to meet you."

His appearance struck Kiku like thunder. The voice did seem familiar, and a visual could now anchor the name. Sadiq was tall and muscular. His skin was a bit tanner than Heracles', but dark stubble covered his square jaw, as opposed to the smooth (probably clean-shaven) face of Heracles. His clothes were casual like any college student's, but they did no job of hiding his intimidating stature. Rugged. That was his aura. Light brown eyes, not quite as heavy-lidded as Heracles', but a strange mix of slight feminine allure and masculine assertiveness.

He was friendly, but Kiku felt like choking a bit. This was Heracles' boyfriend. Kiku felt so small, so utterly small, in more than the physical sense.

Their small talk finally lost momentum and it seemed as if they were to part ways, when Sadiq asked, smiling like he had a secret, "You single?"

There were a hundred ways that question could lead, and Kiku dreaded all of them. "...Yes. Why do you ask?"

"Just curious." Oh. Good. "There's this party on Saturday, down by the upperclassman hall. Sound like your thing?" Sadiq was leaning against the wall on his elbow, angled towards Kiku in a way that made him tower over. Oh. God.

It was a bit ridiculous. What part of Kiku looked like the type to party? His glasses and timid, stereotypical Japanese demeanor, not to mention otaku-influenced wardrobe served usually as a useful party repellent. He had only recently upgraded to hanging out within a social circle of his own. If he wanted to socially drink, he would do it in their company, not among a bunch of wasted college strangers.

But he couldn't say no. No, it wasn't his thing, but by saying no, he would be rejecting the offer. That could offend Sadiq. But he couldn't say yes. That would be a flat out lie.

"Perhaps."

Kiku wished he could leave it at that, but Sadiq wasn't about to release him yet. The smile remained plastered on his face as he gave Kiku the details for this party. It suddenly dawned on Kiku that Sadiq was probably hitting on him. And that he had sounded like he was flirting back by responding so vaguely. Kiku leaned back a bit, aware of how Sadiq was pressed forward a little.

Hopefully he was reading too much into it. Sadiq had a boyfriend, didn't he?

Kiku managed a weak smile that felt more like a queasy grimace tugging at the muscles in his face. The party was tomorrow. Kiku had no doubt in his mind that he was not going. He would hole himself up in his room and start playing dating sims again.

"See you there," Sadiq said light-heartedly before leaving the cafe. Kiku adjusted the bottled drink in his hand and left too, through a different door.

It wasn't until his eyes passed over Heracles' clothes in his room again that Kiku realized that this was an opportunity. Sadiq was guaranteed to be out. It would be safe for him to see Heracles. Not that such an occasion should need secrecy, but after that last visit, Kiku got the idea.

This was it.

* * *

><p>Of course, as Kiku was actually walking there, another barrage of second thoughts pressed back on him. It was exceptionally warm and balmy that evening, enough that Kiku could venture outdoors in short sleeves. Heracles' clothes were nicely folded, cleaned, and placed in a plastic bag, and Kiku carried them across streets and through blocks, feeling its precious weight tug on his arm with each step.<p>

What if Heracles had went to the party too and wouldn't be home? His social life was a mystery to Kiku. Well in that case, Kiku could just leave the clothes by his door, and avoid contact. Kiku shouldn't really be seeing Heracles anyway. It didn't seem like it was right. Heracles had a boyfriend.

But Kiku was just a friend. And he wanted to see Heracles. It was a normal thing to want to see your friend. They weren't doing anything strange.

It wasn't like Heracles was interested in him that way. Once again, he had a boyfriend. He might be gay or bi, whichever, but he wasn't single.

Then Mei's words echoed in his head. "Promiscuous." Kiku hoped that was just gossip. Well, even if it was true, it wasn't his business what people did with their personal lives. It didn't affect him how many men Heracles slept with or didn't sleep with, or how faithful he was to a relationship that had nothing to do with Kiku. It wasn't as if Heracles had those intentions towards him in the first place.

All his thinking brought him straight to Heracles' door, as if he had warped there. He had no recollection of the streets he had traveled to get there. His heart pounded nervously, and his fisted pounded on the door just as nervously.

He waited.

No answer.

Knock again.

Wait.

Nothing.

Then the crushing disappointment Kiku never expected.

* * *

><p>To be continued!<p>

Sorry for delay wow 5 months wow... this would've come a lot sooner had I not left for college and left my fanfiction files behind at home! Thankfully I was able to retrieve them over Thanksgiving break. Originally this chapter was about 6,000 words, but I'm saving the last 1,500 for the next chapter.

I'll keep writing. I wouldn't keep trying to update this fic if I didn't intend to! Thanks for sticking with me and supporting me and writing reviews (even the ones that ask for updates count to me! that means you care). I'll do my best.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

A bit of the balmy air from outside had made its way indoors. But at the very least, his room was quiet and his four familiar walls blocked out the outside world.

Honestly, what did he expect? Heracles was probably at the party too. Why would he be at home when his supposed boyfriend, Sadiq, was going to be at a party? Why wouldn't they go together? Since when was Kiku good at making assumptions about other people? Since when did Kiku think he had a grasp of anyone who wasn't pixels and programming code?

His eyes followed line after line of ending credits on his computer screen as if on autopilot. He had no right to be disappointed. Heracles didn't know he was coming, so it's not as if he had been "stood up." Everything made perfect sense. Everything except how surprisingly shitty he felt.

I've returned the clothes and that's all I needed to do. That's what I went there to do and it's done. I'm good, Kiku thought. He exited out of the dating simulation, the credits just having ended. He and Hera-chan had reached happily ever after. Whatever that meant. He had attained 2D love but still existed in 3D space, so that happily ever after was a formality, with or without a high score. Well, it was just a matter of moving onto the next game. It's not like he had anywhere to be right now.

A voice came from behind. "Hope you've had dinner because we're going out tonight!" That was definitely Yong Soo. Kiku remained seated, until he heard another pair of footsteps, aside from Yong Soo's enter the dorm as well. Someone was with him.

Mei and Yong Soo stood at the entrance to his room, dressed like the people Kiku saw in magazines by the supermarket checkout lines. They looked at him excitedly.

"Yong Soo's taking me to a party. Wanna come?" Mei asked gently. For some reason, it pushed a wrong button somewhere in Kiku.

"I'm good, thank you." Double click. The dating sim shortcuts were all conveniently located on his desktop.

"C'mon, Kiku! It's a weekend night! Live a little," Yong Soo replied. The usual routine. Kiku didn't care that Mei was watching, he didn't budge. His skin seemed to close in, rooting him comfortably in place.

"I'm fine. Go." I just want to be alone. I want to be a recluse.

Yong Soo pushed again. Like he always did. Why did he always persist? Because he didn't understand. Upon that thought, something inside Kiku felt like it misfired.

"Leave me alone," Kiku said, trembling and on his feet now. He looked at the ground, unable to look at their faces in the doorway. If he could just get those faces to turn around and leave, to not look in this direction, to not have their eyes pierce his space. "I'm not like you guys. Go have fun. I'm happy where I am, so please leave me alone."

This time Mei responded. "Kiku—"

"I am not in need of your help." He could feel himself shaking now.

Silence.

They left politely after that. But Kiku felt no relief. He felt more tense than ever. This evening contained more feelings than Kiku ever wanted to endure. The computer was put to sleep and his textbooks were opened. Studying would occupy his mind long enough for him to calm down. He opened to the page where his bookmark sat and kept the book in his lap. Ah yes, Java and C++ and all that.

…Right, he needed the computer for his subject of study. The computer was turned back on. The dating sim shortcut icons looked back at him, but he was in no mood for them. He looked down at the book in his lap and printed text stared back at him. Honestly, he was in no mood for that either. His legs wanted to move.

Fine. He'd leave the refuge of his room but not his mind. Hopefully he wouldn't bump into anyone while going on a walk outside. Sneakers, on. He was too lazy to take his glasses off. Maybe the park in crisper detail would be more of a distraction. The park where he and Heracles—screw it. Intrusive memories weren't going to interfere with his life. What was he so worked up about, anyway. Jacket, on. It was balmy earlier but the night changes the air, so who knows.

By the time Kiku made it to the park, it was still as balmy as ever, rendering his jacket useless. He dumped some of the spare change in its pockets to the homeless man a few blocks from the dorm, only to find that there were a few more in the park. Where do all these people go when it's colder than this?

He made his way to the pagoda-style gazebo, where Nekokichi had taken sheltered weeks earlier, and reached into his other pocket. There was very little light to go by but there was definitely another person in there, and if he was going to intrude on a homeless person's sleeping spot he may as well offer some change.

The person stirred as he approached.

"Here, have some change."

"I'm… I'm not homeless." The voice was gentle and slow. "You're kind, though…"

Kiku froze. "Wh… what's your name?"

"Is that Kiku?" The figure sat up. Unmistakably, two hair curls were silhouetted against the street-lit shrubbery around the circumference of the gazebo. Heracles' voice spoke again. "It's me… Heracles. …And Nekokichi."

What the heck. Kiku reached for his phone and checked the time. 10:54 PM. What was Heracles doing here at this time of night?

"It's Kiku, right?" Heracles said sleepily. "Are you okay? What are you doing out so late…"

I should be asking you that, Kiku thought. "I'm just going for a walk. What about you?"

"Me, too."

"It's dangerous to be outside this late," Kiku stammered. What was he saying? Heracles was a lot safer than he was, walking out alone at night. The guy was at least a head taller than he was, and had actual muscle mass. "I mean, it might get cold." Another crock of crap. It was clearly above average temperatures outside tonight.

"You're very kind, worrying about me," Heracles replied, and Kiku could swear he could hear a smile in his voice. "I'm okay."

Kiku sat down. "Okay."

They sat in silence for a while.

"Nekokichi will be okay too."

Kiku remained where he was sitting. He did want to pet that cat. But for some reason he didn't want to go over. What was he doing here? He was supposed to be on a walk. "I'll see you around."

He was halfway out the gazebo.

"Wait."

Kiku stopped.

Heracles spoke so gently. "Stay…"

"Do you need something from me?"

"I haven't seen you in two weeks. I missed you."

The words dripped like honey into his ears and filled him simultaneously with joy and shame. All thought of exiting the gazebo left his mind. "Oh."

"Sit by me." Worded like a command, but spoken so gently that it was inviting rather than demanding. Kiku sat. Something was at his feet. He'd just barely missed knocking over an opened bottle. Heracles leaned over and reached for it. "Do you want some?"

"What is it?" Kiku asked, although he could already tell it was alcohol of some kind. It smelled really powerful.

"Ouzo…" Heracles said. "A drink from Greece. Some have a shot before a meal."

Kiku was absorbing both information and innuendo. Was _he_ the meal in question? Why was he even thinking in innuendos?

"I won't make you do anything you don't want to," Heracles said.

Screw it, Kiku thought. He reached for the bottle himself and looked over at Heracles. His vision was adjusting, and thank goodness that he wore glasses tonight. Heracles' features were still in the dark, but he could make out his gentle eyes looking straight at Kiku's.

Normally being this physically close to someone would make Kiku jump out of his skin, and he truly was teeming with a sort of anxious energy. But he didn't know if it was the bottle in his hands or the emotional exhaustion of the night that filled him with the bravery to stay.

"A sip would be enough," Heracles said, sensing the need for guidance. "The alcohol content is high."

A sip did Kiku take, and it burned. He couldn't help but hiss after swallowing, feeling it enter into his core, leaving a blazing trail down his esophagus.

"I'm sorry… I don't have a chaser with me."

Kiku had no idea what that meant, so he shrugged, still recovering from the intensity of that one sip. He offered the bottle to Heracles, who took a sip and also tensed up. Kiku felt his own body flush with heat.

"Ah."

"Are you okay?" Heracles reached out across Kiku's body and held his shoulder. It only made him flush with heat more.

"It's my first time drinking that kind." Or really drinking at all. Kiku felt really lame. That had to be a pretty strong drink.

"I don't really like it," Heracles admitted. Kiku couldn't blame him. "I don't drink much."

"Ah." The aftertaste was beginning to wane. But only a bit. Heracles' hand was still on his shoulder—no, it was practically cupping his shoulder. This man's hands were so big, but so gentle. "I… I don't drink much either. Or at all."

Heracles made a sound to indicate understanding. "But you are okay drinking with me."

"…Yes." For whatever goshdarn reason, yes. Kiku could now make out the texture of Heracles' hair and instantly was reminded of that hair brushing against his neck. He tried to redirect his mind. Java. C++. Programming. Heracles' hand on my shoulder. The smell of ouzo and gentle soap. Gentle, gentle, gentle. Kiku had no reason to trust this man but he was ever so gentle.

"What else are you okay with?" Heracles leaned in and began to tilt his head.

Kiku suddenly backed away and felt cold. Heracles' expression stayed the same.

"Sorry."

"Please do not get the wrong idea about me," Kiku said, feeling defensive. "Do not make assumptions about how I feel."

He was met with a question. "How do you feel…?"

"About what?" Kiku mentally slapped himself on the wrist for dodging. He was only delaying something inevitable.

"About me?" Heracles asked, almost with childlike innocence.

"I… I don't know anything about you," Kiku said, frustrated. It was true. This was a Greek man who liked cats. If Kiku was faced with a quiz on this person, he would have no answers. They hadn't had enough conversations. "We've known each other for so little time. You don't know anything about me."

"I want to."

"What?"

"I want to."

Kiku flushed again. Somehow Heracles had found a way in. He couldn't argue with that. He could say that he didn't want Heracles to know him, but even thinking it felt like a lie. "Um. What do you want to know?"

Heracles reached around and gently rested a hand on the back of Kiku's neck. Kiku didn't pull away.

"All that I can."

"I'm not gay," Kiku blurted without thinking.

Heracles brushed a stray finger back and forth over the nape of Kiku's neck, barely missing the collar of his jacket. "That's okay."

"What?"

"You're just Kiku."

What the hell does that even mean. Kiku swallowed.

"Are you uncomfortable?"

Yes. No. Kiku didn't know anymore. Heracles' fingers moved under Kiku's collar and across his spine, wrist resting against the bare skin of his shoulder. Kiku's skin was a bit damp underneath the jacket from a bit of sweat.

The hand slowed to a pause. "Do you want me to stop?"

Kiku closed his eyes. He was suddenly aware of his own heavy breathing. And beyond all logic, he didn't want Heracles to remove his hand. In fact, it was now impossible to ignore that he wanted Heracles' hands all over him. This was the biggest 180 imaginable. All his life, Kiku never imagined himself in this position. He was always the spectator. You watch 2D love happen. This was, this was real. There was no dialogue box, just a hand entering his shirt. He shook his head. No, don't stop.

Heracles moved in closer. The smell of ouzo was now faint under the smell of Heracles. It was undeniably Heracles. Kiku tensed up despite himself and felt his own pulse quicken. Heracles felt it through his hand and slowed down, brushing his cheek against Kiku's before gently nuzzling his neck.

I'm going to lose it, Kiku thought. Lose what. I have no idea. I have left the Planet Earth that I know and I am flowing down a river, a river going somewhere I don't know. Farewell, the previous chapter of my life. I met this Greek man buying flowers for someone else and now his face is moving against my neck, and it feels so amazingly good and I hate myself for it but I want to see what else he'll do.

His mind was hazy and frantic all at once. Without thinking his arms reached around and he gripped Heracles' back.

Heracles paused, and Kiku's mind cleared from the tactile silence. It was Heracles who then pushed away (gently), and Kiku further regained himself.

"Um," Kiku couldn't help but utter.

Heracles didn't miss a beat. "Do you have a condom?"

Oh, lord. He was going to go that far? "N… no, I don't." Why would Kiku be carrying a condom? "Sorry." …Didn't need to add that.

"I won't go that far, then." Heracles moved forward again but Kiku backed away in response.

"We're in a gazebo." He paused. "I… I don't do this stuff."

"You didn't like it?"

Kiku made a few sounds that resembled the start of a sentence. "N…no. I mean. No, I… didn't dislike it. I just… I've never even kissed a girl."

"What about a boy?"

Kiku was feeling really tongue-tied now. "No," he finally managed to answer. "But, I want to find love."

Silence.

Kiku flared on the inside, feeling humiliated. Was he a preschool girl, for crying out loud? He wants to find love? Why was he telling this to a man his own age who probably just wants to get into his pants? What else about his own life story he wasn't even aware of should he share? "I don't think I ever will." Okay! There we go! What an evening.

"Why not?"

"Huh?"

"Why don't you think you'll find love?"

Why? Shame consumed him and stole his will to speak. Why? Because it's stupid. "Never mind."

Heracles moved closer without any sort of intent. "You're really cute."

Kiku looked away, suddenly feeling a bit indignant and pleased at once. He could feel his ears turn as pink as his face, not that anyone could tell in the dark.

"I'll love you."

"Th-that's okay. You don't have to." This is beyond crazy, Kiku thought. No one in their right mind sincerely would mean that and follow through with it.

"Look at me," Heracles said gently, gently so that Kiku couldn't help but do as he asked. "I'll love you."

Did Heracles want him to melt in his arms and ask him if he meant it? Kiku remained steel at the core, no matter how warm his face was. "Why would you." Seriously though, why.

"You're so cute."

"Th-that's not a reason. You don't know me." Kiku's resolve was weakening.

"You're so cute."

"I'm a nerd. I'm an otaku. I play dating sims in my free time. I have no social life and I'm a shut-in. I'm a recluse. I'm really, really, lame," Kiku blurted. "I'm a loser." Now you know.

"That's okay."

Kiku stuttered. He wanted to say that it didn't matter what Heracles thought. That Heracles thinking it was okay meant jack squat to the fact that it was true and that Kiku hated it, as much as it made him comfortable to stay the way he was, and that it being okay with Heracles wasn't compensating for anything. That Heracles' opinion, Mei's opinion, Yong Soo's opinion, they all don't make a difference.

But his steel core melted just enough. Heracles was anything but steel. Heracles was gentle beyond belief. He leaned in and pressed Kiku to his chest.

"You're more than that."

* * *

><p>There was a knock on the door. It was light and meek, but assertively a knock nonetheless. Kiku opened it to find Mei in his doorway.<p>

"Hey, Kiku."

He swallowed, surprised. But he looked her in the eye. "Hey." Yong Soo was nowhere to be seen. "Where's…?"

"Oh, he's still at the party."

"Oh."

"I left by myself," Mei said, then stopped. She watched Kiku carefully, like she was testing waters.

"I'm not mad," Kiku said.

Mei looked down. "It bothered me that we seemed to upset you. Yong Soo felt bad too."

"Oh."

"We don't invite you out because we think you need help," Mei explained. She looked up. "At least I don't. That would… that would be looking down on you. I wanted you to come because it'd be more fun."

"Oh." Kiku flushed a little and couldn't help but feel happy. "How was the party?"

Mei waved her hand. "Too many people I didn't know. Really loud. Smelled like weed and alcohol. I'm gonna call it a night. I'll catch you later."

"Later."

The door closed. A sigh of relief. Kiku walked back into his room. It was definitely his room, but something felt incredibly different about it. It was probably the Heracles laying asleep in his bed.

* * *

><p>To be continued.<p> 


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

Heracles was asleep in his bed.

Mentally, Kiku retraced their steps. Together they had walked here from the park. Why? Because Kiku had to pee, and it was unspoken knowledge that going back to Heracles' place wasn't ideal. Well, that was half the reason. It was really that Heracles kept getting close to his face, which reminded Kiku that his own mouth still tasted a bit like dinner's miso. So Kiku wanted to… clean up a bit. Before Heracles went anywhere near his mouth.

What was he going to do? Brush his teeth in preparation for Heracles to kiss him? Because they were going to kiss? How did he come to the conclusion that a kiss was going to happen?

Well, Kiku was no fool. It would require monstrous stupidity and outright denial to not know what was going on with Heracles. Heracles liked him. And Heracles was a healthy man. So he wanted to touch the person he liked. Kiku temporarily imagined a placeholder for this object of Heracles' affections. Heracles likes someone, Heracles wants to do things with that person.

Kiku was no stranger to love between boys. In his otaku forays he may have happened upon a boy love manga by accident. It happened once. That Kiku read all six volumes of it and never spoke of it was beside the question. So picturing the specifics of what Heracles potentially wanted was not the issue, as much as it was Kiku picturing himself as the object of desire.

Kiku looked up and stared at the bathroom mirror, and as if for the first time, really noticed his reflection. Yes, it was the same figure that always looked back at him in the same mirror that he had been using since he started living here, but now he was looking at himself as if trying to imagine it from the point of view of someone else.

He noticed the plain white T-shirt underneath his jacket. It was a bit limp, as if it had been beaten over time by many washings. His jacket and his pants were a tracksuit-like combination, worn like athletic pajamas. Slender, smooth hands peeked out of the ends of his sleeves. His glasses sat unimpressively on a pale face with delicate features. By no means were his gentle nose, lightly pink lips, and pointed chin masculine. Unexpressive eyes were almost hidden behind overgrown, straight home-cut bangs. This is what his friends saw. This is what Heracles saw. By what stretch of imagination could a guy his own age find him appealing? Was Heracles even really looking at him? Kiku deemed himself physically and visually unimpressive and his heart sank. He was no object of desire.

Nekokichi rubbed against his calf, interrupting his thoughts. Ah. Nekokichi was here too. Was Heracles taking it for a walk? Kiku surmised that it may be alright for Nekokichi to stay one night. No one would find out or particularly care that he had a cat sleep over. That is, if Heracles was planning to sleep over.

Kiku conceded to wash up a bit, just in case, before releasing Nekokichi and himself from the bathroom. Heracles, now awake, had propped himself up on one arm and watched Kiku invitingly. God knows why Kiku felt compelled to answer his gaze by walking over and sitting next to Heracles. The faint smell of ouzo pulled his attention.

"Are you drunk?" Kiku caught himself asking.

"A bit," Heracles mumbled. His eyes moved elsewhere momentarily as if he was spacing out, then he looked back at Kiku a bit helplessly. "Can… you bring me some water?"

Kiku complied and watched Heracles gulp it down quickly. It was probably the fastest thing Kiku had seen him do. He watched the young Greek set the cup down gently and look sleepily at him. Heracles then lay down and breathed evenly, still maintaining eye contact.

"You smell good."

Kiku flushed, but couldn't help but feel really pleased. He broke the eye contact, suddenly feeling like he couldn't look at Heracles.

"Come closer."

Kiku felt no inner protest and scooted closer, still unable to look at him. The closer his body moved, the more Kiku felt like he was going to be sucked in and magnetically pulled until he couldn't detach himself. He felt his heart beat now, fast and demanding his attention.

"Lie down with me…"

Again, no protest. The thoughts of what could be coming next didn't serve to stop him from lying down next to Heracles so that they both lay atop the bed covers.

He felt Heracles pull him into an embrace. An arm reached in the space between his neck and the floor and brought him closer to Heracles' chest. The other arm made its way over Kiku's body and wrapped him in. Ouzo, lightly, and gentle soap. The tickling of wavy hair on Kiku's face, and the tickle of warm breath on his head. Arms, with soft skin and a light coat of hair, wrapped around him like an impenetrable fortress.

Kiku swore he could feel a heartbeat, as his face was pressed against Heracles' chest. His own heart pounded like a drum. He closed his eyes and counted each sensation, mind running loose with guesses at what was coming next, and what to do next. Kiku selected the option of placing one arm around Heracles, reaching under Heracles' own outstretched arm and wrapping so that his hand reached over to rest on a sturdy, muscled back. Part of him wished that he could place his other hand on the back of Heracles head, so that the lush fullness of that brown hair could dance softly in the spaces between his fingers. Instead, Kiku's other arm found a space to fold between their bodies.

It didn't particularly feel like there was a whole other being separate from him invasively present in his personal space. Beyond all explanation, he felt safe here, even with the tension accumulating in his lower body.

Heracles spoke, and the light vibrations of his voice carried through his ribcage. "I don't know why… but when we're like this, I feel like everything is alright..."

A feeling awoke within Kiku. He thought of the phrase uttered in his childhood in a foreign land, a phrase that signaled everything familiar and safe. _Tadaima_. It felt girlish and cheesy to think of that now, but Kiku was too comfortable and too willing to allow it. A little reminder somewhere in him revived the idea of possible intimacy, but Kiku contentedly let it pass. His mind felt pleasant and easygoing, almost like he wanted to float off to sleep. Maybe it was the ouzo…

"Mm," was all he could sleepily muster. He vaguely registered that his eyes were already closed.

Before he knew it, he drifted off to sleep.

* * *

><p>He didn't know how much time passed before an otherworldly shriek pierced the night. Kiku's eyes barely opened, but he already recognized the sound. It was the fire alarm. Oh, for crying out loud. He glanced up past Heracles' shoulder to see 3:08 AM in bright red digital light on his clock. This probably wasn't a drill. And although Kiku was quite warm in Heracles' arms, he wouldn't mind breaking free of his grip to exit the building, and also to get some relief from the growing amount of slight sweat between the surfaces of their skin.<p>

Heracles' arm was still under Kiku's neck. How it hadn't gone dead from having its circulation cut off, Kiku didn't know. The other arm was still wrapped around his body, allowing Kiku to notice how small he was. He attempted to sit up. Heracles, asleep still, maintained his rock-solid hold.

All the while, the fire alarm continued to blare. Occasionally a light flashed as well, although neither of these bothersome sensations seemed to stir the sleeping prison Kiku found himself in. His anxiety started to mount. They both needed to evacuate. Kiku started to wriggle. Heracles continued his light snoring. His unresponsiveness would almost be admirable if it weren't for the present circumstances.

"H…Heracles," Kiku muttered, his voice still stale from disuse after being asleep. He tried again, making sure his volume could be heard over the alarm. "Heracles."

Heracles rolled over a bit towards Kiku, and Kiku could feel the weight on his own body increase. Oh, shit. Heracles was halfway on top of him. And still asleep. Goddammit.

"Heracles!" Kiku shouted, his voice half muffled by Heracles' slightly sweaty shirt. Heracles resumed his momentum in response, completely laying on top of Kiku, practically crushing him in his sleep. Kiku could feel something of Heracles' poking into his thigh, but he didn't want to think about that right now.

Kiku was left with no choice. He was going to suffocate and die here, and maybe burn to ashes from whatever fire hazard was happening in the building, unless he did something. Using his free arm, he started to slap Heracles on the back. Heracles groaned a bit, but didn't move. Kiku then used it. His last resort. His legs were relatively free. He flexed and his knee came up in between Heracles' legs.

* * *

><p>"Were you really asleep that whole time," Kiku mumbled, perhaps too irately. Who could blame him. It was the middle of the night and he was standing outside with the rest of his neighbors while fire trucks pulled in to address a still unknown, invisible threat.<p>

Heracles was still cringing a bit and standing awkwardly. He merely nodded in response, a bit preoccupied with the echoing pain in his groin. Kiku inwardly flinched in guilt. He already apologized and explained what had happened, but he felt the need to apologize again.

"Sorry… I went too far."

Heracles didn't seem to pay mind. His mind was elsewhere. "Where's Nekokichi…?"

Kiku and Heracles stared at each other. They both then stared at the building. Heracles made a motion towards the building numbly, but Kiku grabbed onto him.

"I have to find Nekokichi."

"You can't." Kiku said. "You don't know if it's safe."

"Nekokichi could be in trouble. I have to find him," Heracles repeated.

Kiku eyed the firefighters entering the building. "They won't allow anyone back in. You'll have to wait." He paused. Heracles pulled away from him.

"He's probably really scared right now."

Kiku helplessly watched as Heracles approached the building but was stopped by firefighters outside the entrance. He saw Heracles gesture to the building and the firefighters shake their heads. Campus security approached as well, as if to join the conversation. Uh oh. Kiku started to walk hurriedly over.

"What's the problem here?" the security guard asked.

"This student says his cat's in the building and he's worried. But we'll have everything under control soon," the firefighter replied.

The guard raised an eyebrow. "Now's probably not a good time to say this, but you're not allowed to have pets in this building. You should know that policy."

Kiku stepped in. "He's not a resident."

"Is he your… guest?"

Kiku nodded. "Yes. I'm sorry; he didn't know."

"You know your guest is your responsibility, and guests are not exempt from residence policies?" the guard asked sternly.

Kiku bowed a little bit without realizing, feeling the need to appease this authority figure despite his growing irritation. Was now really the time for this? "Yes, I'm sorry."

The guard let it go. "I'll let it slide for now, since you probably just got unlucky."

Kiku thanked the guard emptily and the guard walked away.

"Kiku…"

"Yes?"

"I'm sorry for almost getting you into trouble."

"Ah, it's fine. I just hope Nekokichi is alright."

The firefighter stepped in. "He'll probably be alright. The alarm seems to have been set off by an electrical problem because some student overloaded an extension cord. The damage is minimal and isolated to that room."

Ah. That's a relief.

"Sorry to have interrupted you two."

Before Kiku could inquire further, the firefighter turned away and was heading for the firetruck, joining other firefighters in returning to the station. Their business was finished here. But what had just been implied…?

"I'm, not, we weren't," Kiku stuttered to nobody. He turned to look at Heracles who was watching the other students re-enter the building. He realized his own hair must have appeared just as tousled as Heracles' own bedhead, and the implications of Heracles being his guest.

"Let's find Nekokichi," Heracles said. They headed towards the line of students returning to their rooms, and Kiku made eye contact with Yong Soo in the line.

"Haha, Kiku, guess what," Yong Soo said with a sheepish grin on his face. He was wearing his League of Legends pajama shirt and boxers. When Yong Soo dressed well, he dressed well, but clearly he was unafraid to appear as a slob in understandable circumstances. "I gamed too hard and almost burned the building down…"

What. Yong Soo had whispered this to him, keeping it inaccessible to the other residents within earshot. Kiku almost couldn't believe it, but considering Yong Soo's "go hard or go home" approach to things, it wasn't surprising after all.

"Man, I'm in trouble. Apparently you can start a fire when you plug too many- Hey, Heracles! What you doing here?" Yong Soo asked.

"Ah," Kiku mentally stumbled for a second. How was he going to explain this? This had already happened once before, when Heracles brought Kiku's forgotten groceries and retrieved his jacket from Kiku's room. Yong Soo had walked in with Heracles asleep at his table.

"Did you forget your groceries again, Kiku?" Yong Soo said, probably jokingly. It was almost four in the morning. No one in the conversation knew that would've been true.

Kiku was still searching for something to answer with when Yong Soo slapped him on the back several times and laughed. "You're really forgetful about specific things, man. I'll see you later. I need to clean up before Yao gets back in two days."

Kiku gaped as Yong Soo walked away. Did Yong Soo really believe…? But he had his answer as Yong Soo turned around and winked obnoxiously before entering the building. There it was, the "get some!" wink. Yong Soo may as well have shot a thumbs up at him too. Kiku suddenly wanted to be in his room, alone. Ah, but first, the matter of Nekokichi.

The most obvious first answer would be Kiku's room. And sure enough, Nekokichi was in a corner, already asleep, no doubt after quiet had returned to the building. Of course Kiku was relieved, but couldn't help but be miffed that he had two people, one of them being his friend, make certain assumptions about him tonight. Yes, Heracles was in his room, but what now?

"Are you staying the night?"

Heracles looked at him helplessly. "I'd like to."

That earnest, vulnerable reply made Kiku soften. But he still had his concerns.

"Okay, but… look, I just don't want people making assumptions."

Heracles froze, but still responded earnestly. "What sort of assumptions?"

"Well… you know." Kiku was starting to regret his words. Heracles almost looked hurt, and broke eye contact. Suddenly there seemed to be a gap between him and the man he had just felt so close to.

"I wouldn't want you to be embarrassed," Heracles muttered. Kiku realized that he had made a wrong move. He was now at a loss for words, as Heracles took Nekokichi gently into his arms and started for the door. Kiku needed to buy time, to think of the right thing to say.

"Wait, please." Heracles stopped and looked at Kiku. Kiku searched his eyes for disdain, but they were just kind, sad eyes.

Please stay the night, Kiku felt the need to say. But something else was bugging him. "What is your relationship with Sadiq…?"

Heracles looked away sharply. "What does that have to do with anything?"

Kiku felt like his face was going to burst. His throat and chest too. This was not going well. He couldn't find the right things to say. But now that it was in the air, he had to know. "Is he going to be okay with this?" He didn't want Heracles to get hurt. The last time he remembered, it was possible that there was something between Heracles and Sadiq that was, well, strange. And maybe dangerous.

Heracles said nothing and Kiku could not read the silence.

"That is, I mean to say, will you be safe going back."

"Will it change your feelings if I answer that?" Heracles said softly, his tone indecipherable.

Kiku didn't know how to answer. There was no menu of reply options or reset button. He did not expect his own question to be answered with another question. So again, he was at a loss for words.

Heracles placed Nekokichi on the floor and stood up again, turning to face Kiku. "What are your feelings, Kiku?"

"What…?"

"I asked, what are your feelings," Heracles responded limply.

Kiku felt defeated. "I don't know the right answer to that." He couldn't tell if Heracles was upset or not.

"I want to know _your_ answer."

"I… I need time," Kiku blurted in defeat. It was true. He couldn't find the words right in that moment. Maybe he was too scared, maybe he didn't really know. He just couldn't find the words at this moment.

"Okay," Heracles said, seeming to flow with everlasting patience, but nonetheless a note of dejectedness belied his word. "I'll come by another time." With that, he left.

Kiku returned to bed alone, mind reeling and heart racing. This was so stupid. The absence of a certain presence in his bed left the surface cold. The answer was obvious, and it was just that Kiku was afraid to say it. Even after all that Heracles had expressed to him, and all Kiku had answered him with is a concern for how Heracles would make him look. Because, may God forbid that Kiku be happy with a man than by himself, as he had always been. Looking for right answers instead of the truth.

He would go after Heracles again, and this time, say it for real.

It was too bad that Heracles was nowhere to be found the next day, or the days after that.

* * *

><p>To be continued.<p> 


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

In the days that followed, Kiku was forced to confront the reality that he didn't really understand Heracles. Or to be more accurate, that he didn't know much about Heracles at all. And with Heracles gone, the task of growing to understand the truth seemed insurmountable. How could you advance your understanding of someone if you couldn't find them?

It started with the places he looked. He wandered into the park, every turn of his head resulting in disappointment.

He went to the grocery store, but it was the cashier with the Italian accent standing behind the counter. Kiku dared to ask for Heracles' whereabouts.

"How the hell should I know? That bastard doesn't work here anymore."

Kiku was so sure he'd make progress here, but now he was grasping at nothing. His desperation temporarily dissipated, and numbly he returned home. He had no way of verifying, without arousing suspicion, that Heracles was still living upstairs in the store. How was he going to explain himself trespassing into that space? And what if Sadiq was the one who answered the door?

But somehow, he had to.

He thought to the past weekend, revisiting a mental timeline apart from happenings with Heracles. Perhaps he could talk to Mei. He had spoke with her about Heracles briefly before. Perhaps it would be alright. He couldn't imagine how it could go wrong, or at least go wrong in a way that would make him feel worse than he did now.

"Are you okay?" Mei was sitting across from him at his table. Kiku had started texting her a bit, admittedly wording things ambiguously, worrying her enough for her to physically join him in his room. Truthfully, Kiku was hoping to have this conversation entirely by text, but the kindness of her concerned gesture made his heart a little lighter.

"I've… been better," Kiku admitted.

Mei watched him. "You did seem off for a few days."

"Oh… yeah, sorry about that." In the past few days, Lien Trang, the friend from Vietnam, had finally arrived in conjunction with Yao and Xiang's return. As a group they had socialized a bit. Lien was quite unexpressive, just as Kiku was, but even Kiku felt that his presence was more dead than usual. It didn't surprise him that Mei picked up on it, knowing how perceptive she was.

"It's okay. You don't have to apologize for that," Mei asked. "Do you want to talk about what's wrong? If there's something going on, that is."

He took a deep breath and gazed at the wood surface of his table, where Mei's reflection blended with the pattern of wood. Where to begin?

"Heracles doesn't seem to be working at the store anymore."

"Oh. Really? Huh."

Kiku didn't know how to continue, so Mei took charge.

"So… you can't find him?"

"Yeah," Kiku mumbled lamely. But he didn't want Mei to think that he missed Heracles… well, he did miss him, but there was more to it than that, and Kiku would have to elucidate it for her. "And, I need to find him. Because I need to apologize for something."

"I see," Mei said, piecing it together. It didn't seem like Kiku would give her many specifics, and as much as she'd like to ask for them, it seemed best to just let Kiku disclose as he felt comfortable. "I'll keep an eye out, and ask my friends."

"I don't know what to say to him," Kiku continued. "I'm not sure if I did find him that I can say the right thing."

"Ah," Mei replied. "What… makes you feel that way?"

"I don't… really know him," Kiku admitted sullenly. "I said the wrong thing."

"Oh." Mei pondered it. "Well, I guess the best you can do is use what you do know for sure, and apologize the best way you can."

It was Kiku's turn to ponder. In the silence Mei continued.

"I'm sure he'll forgive you."

Kiku wanted to believe her. "I don't know. I think I'm being avoided."

Mei couldn't imagine Kiku doing something hurtful enough for Heracles to avoid him entirely, but it hurt to see Kiku feel down like this. "Ah. There's not much you can do if he doesn't want to see you."

"…Perhaps."

Mei sighed. There had to be something genuinely encouraging she could offer. Her mind fumbled around for a bit and hit upon a recent memory. "Recently, when I thought you were angry at me, I didn't know when would be a good time to talk to you again."

Kiku looked up at her.

"But I felt like there was a misunderstanding, so I felt that it was better to clear it up sooner than later. It doesn't make sense to have bad feelings in the air about something that's not even true." She watched Kiku for any reaction, but kept talking. "I'm glad you listened, and I'm glad I tried."

"Ah. I… didn't mean to make you feel bad. It was my fault for misunderstanding. I was in… a bad place."

Mei shook her head. "It's alright."

Kiku zoned out a bit, entering his thoughts. "I'll think about what you said."

Mei wanted to ask what Kiku's relationship with Heracles was, but she held her tongue. Now's not the time. She inquired about something else. "Have you talked to Yong Soo?"

"…No. Why?"

"Well, despite his tendency to hole up in his room and play MMOs for long stretches, he's pretty well connected to people on campus. That is, he has a lot of acquaintances. He'd probably be helpful if you're looking for someone's whereabouts. Ah! Oh yeah, he could ask Sadiq for you."

If there was anyone Kiku wouldn't want involved more than Yong Soo, it was Sadiq. Yes, tell Heracles' boyfriend that some guy is looking for Heracles. Sounds great. If Kiku wanted a straight beeline to a place on Sadiq's hit list, there it was. Even if it was done anonymously, Kiku didn't see any benefit from arousing Sadiq's suspicion.

"I'd rather not have that many people involved in this." The more he discussed this, the sketchier it felt. He was going behind someone's back and getting involved with their boyfriend. Even if what he had witnessed from Heracles' closet seemed questionable in regards to Heracles' wellbeing, he was intruding on the sanctity of an existing relationship in which he had no place. "Or at least people I don't trust and know, myself."

"Well, alright," Mei said. "It sounds like that's important to you, so I'll do what I can with that in mind."

"Thanks." Kiku bowed a little bit.

"It's alright," Mei smiled. "I'm glad you feel you can rely on me. You seem like the type who would be reluctant to ask for help even when you needed it."

Kiku flushed a little. Mei was such a good friend.

"Am I taking advantage of your kindness?" Kiku asked quietly.

Mei regarded him with surprise, but grinned as an idea came to her. "Well, if you do feel like you're in my debt, I'm not averse to being treated to food."

Kiku smiled lightly.

* * *

><p>Kiku was faced with a new moral dilemma. In the face of violating the relationship of someone he had no connection to, taking action seemed more questionable than ever, regardless of his feelings. It didn't matter that Heracles had unsubtly pursued him—this was not something that was sustainable. It hurt to think that way, but if that was the truth, then Kiku knew what he had to do. And if Heracles never spoke to him again, it would only help them both.<p>

Yet Kiku knew he would not be satisfied like that. Maybe it would be more in line with his morals to not be the target of an affair, but the lack of closure between him and Heracles unsettled him. Especially given how many loose threads had been revealed over the past month or so. It was not too long ago that Hera-chan, in a shallow way, occupied the focus of his affections. But that sort of connection, if one could call that one-way thing a connection, paled in comparison to recent experiences. To court a concept and succeed by strategy in love had no application outside the system of a game. What 3D love involved was, dealing with a real human being, dealing with something infinitely more real and complex.

And above all, it meant facing real emotional investment on Kiku's part. There was no The End, there was no sequel. There was no point system and moving onto the next game after one was already done. It was just one real person, and it wasn't just a story with a start and a finish. Kiku had to deal with the whole of Heracles. Kiku wanted to deal with the whole of Heracles, and that meant that Kiku had to open his heart to pain and rejection.

Kiku rested his head on the table. Mei had left an hour ago, leaving him to be absorbed in a turbulent sea of thoughts. He was going in circles. One minute, ready to give up on Heracles, and another, feeling like he truly needed to invest himself in this person. His head and heart were at war, and neither was clear on their stance. He dispersed his current flock of thoughts and went back to what Mei said.

What did he know about Heracles?

He knew that Heracles liked him. Why Heracles took interest in him was currently unknown, and why Heracles insisted on pursuing him was also unknown. He knew that Heracles was gentle and forward at the same time, with an unexpected emotional frankness about him, all while being not particularly expressive. He simultaneously sustained an earthy presence and an air-like personality.

Kiku shook his head and mentally stepped back. Heracles was Greek. Heracles liked cats. Heracles had a boyfriend. And besides, what did Heracles know so far about Kiku, to warrant giving Kiku so much attention? He most likely just found Kiku attractive. Kiku's heart sank with that realization.

It wasn't that Kiku felt he had much to offer in terms of personality, but knowing that his unimpressive physical self could be the primary motivation behind Heracles' attention felt very disheartening. There really wasn't much to Kiku even in that. If Kiku had to pinpoint one virtue he possessed, it was his diligence with his school work, which had nothing to do with romantic relationships aside from the fact that he was able to stay on top of his course load thus far, despite emotional hiccups.

He didn't possess the emotional openness that Heracles seemed to, but there was no denying that he was emotionally invested now, reason or not. Upon thinking this, Kiku realized he wanted it reciprocated.

He glanced up at the clock in his room. Frustration over the time he was wasting in his head started to press on him. It didn't matter why who liked who, or if Kiku was willing to further this relationship, if he never saw Heracles of his own will again. He had to take the truth into his own hands and confront it directly, or as directly as he could muster. He had to know why Heracles was pursuing him with Sadiq in the picture before anything else.

He reached for his phone, scrolling through his contacts until he came upon the one name he didn't think he'd go to for help in this matter. With a swipe on the screen, he initiated the call.

"Whoa. You never call me. What's up?" Yong Soo's enthusiastic voice came from the other end of the line.

Kiku exhaled. "I need your help."

* * *

><p>"I literally thought this would never happen, ever," Yong Soo admitted.<p>

Kiku accepted that without much response. They stood in the driveway of a house—one among many nearly identical ones in this suburban neighborhood not too far from the dorms. Kiku could already hear the bass of a dance song humming rhythmically from inside, to the beat of flashing colored lights, which illuminated the lawn under the night sky.

"You know what you're getting yourself into, right?" Yong Soo said, looking at Kiku. He never imagined that Kiku would ask to be brought to a party. All his pestering this time had been mostly jokingly, but here they were. "Sadiq parties are intense."

Kiku nodded, not really engaging with Yong Soo's concerns. He was here, at Sadiq's party, for leads on Heracles. Having a good time was not even on his priority list to begin with.

And so they entered. The bass flooded into upbeat dance music, now with the added soundtrack of the usual party clamor. Or what Kiku assumed was the usual volume level of a party. This was the stuff of young adult movies—darkness, crowdedness, and high energy—an overwhelming sensory barrage.

It didn't help that upon entering, Yong Soo attracted a great deal of attention. Several people, none of which Kiku recognized, turned to acknowledge them loudly, loud enough for Kiku to hear over the music and noise.

"Hey! What's up, man? How's it going?"

"Not bad, not bad," Yong Soo replied in high spirits, high-fiving the stranger. "I brought my friend!"

Kiku inwardly flinched. Dammit, don't point me out. The stranger and other people nearby seemed to face him, not that Kiku could easily tell with the lighting. They exchanged greetings, although no one seemed to hear Kiku. The group turned their attention back to Yong Soo, engaging him in conversation by the front door. Kiku watched Yong Soo's face, and started to slip through the crowd relatively unnoticed.

The smell of alcohol presented itself ubiquitously, and each person Kiku had to rub against to get through seemed to leave more of that stench on him. He didn't really know where he was going, but at this point he would just like to find a place to breathe. He made a full circle around the floor, through the kitchen, dining room, living room, before he made it back to the area near the front door. After that one lap, Yong Soo was already nowhere to be seen. Kiku decided it wasn't worth wading through the other side of the house, where the music was coming from. No doubt Yong Soo was already dancing and having a good time.

As much as Kiku liked having the freedom to move alone, he couldn't help but wish for a glimpse of the one familiar face he had in this place. There were lots of silhouettes and his only escape at the moment seemed to be upstairs. There were people on the stairs too, so Kiku assumed that upstairs was accessible to him. His usual inner guidance on what was acceptable territory as a guests seemed moot here, and so as if gasping for air, he made his way upstairs.

Upstairs was not as crowded, but unfamiliar faces were more distinguishable in this lighting. As Kiku wandered around, several people would glance at him passing by. Kiku wished he could turn invisible. He wasn't here to be acknowledged. He wasn't even up here for his original mission. He just needed a quiet, empty space where there weren't any strangers.

As he walked, his heart raced, and his neck stiffened as his eyes did most of the turning to look into bedrooms for empty spaces. Unfortunately, they were all filled, some to the brim with groups of people laughing loudly. Pacing anxiously now, Kiku returned downstairs, waded through the noise and people, and found the door to the patio. If he couldn't get air in here, he would get fresh air.

Unceremoniously he slid the glass door open and made his way out, the refreshing chill of the night washing over his skin and pouring into his lungs. His feet pressed on cobblestone, and the open space of the backyard greeted him. Although there were still people out here, Kiku wasn't in constant contact with three booze-smelling bodies at once. He'd take what he could get.

"Hey there," a voice called out. Kiku looked to his left, where a patio table set sat under low lighting. "Didn't expect to see you here."

It was Sadiq himself. Literally himself, sitting alone at this dining table. This was Kiku's chance.

"You busy?" Sadiq inquired. "Have a seat."

Kiku sat in a chair perpendicular to his. Why was Sadiq sitting alone at his own party?

"I know what you're probably thinking," Sadiq grinned. "No worries, we all need a breather sometimes. Even the host."

Didn't Sadiq live above the store? "Is this your house?" Kiku asked instead.

"Yup," Sadiq said.

Kiku's face did not betray any surprise. But then why was Sadiq free to come into Heracles' place? He needed to make his next move carefully. "It's a nice place."

"Haha, thanks." Sadiq took a sip of water from the glass in his hands. Kiku glanced at it. "Gotta stay hydrated. You thirsty?"

Kiku shook his head. "I drank a lot of water before coming here." Which was the truth.

Sadiq laughed. "Well, the bathroom's between the kitchen and living room if you need it." Kiku nodded. "But I was asking if you've had anything to, you know, _drink._"

Oh. "Um… I'm a lightweight."

Sadiq laughed again, and with each time he laughed Kiku suspected his sobriety. But he seemed to be in a controlled state. "Not afraid to admit your shortcomings, huh?"

"I suppose." Kiku didn't think of it as a shortcoming.

Sadiq took a sip again and Kiku used this opportunity to envision paths for the conversation to take. Inquiring directly about Heracles would definitely arouse suspicion. Inquiring about Sadiq's relationship status might give the wrong idea about Kiku's intentions. Hm.

"My shortcomings seem to be causing me trouble lately," Kiku started. "I've been having trouble with… with the relationship department." It felt very odd to share that out loud. And it was the truth.

"Ahh," Sadiq responded knowingly. "Sucks that you can't drink it off."

"I suppose," Kiku said. How could he get Sadiq to disclose about himself? There had to be some sort of social tactic to get people to want to share about themselves.

"'Course, if you just break up, that's the end of dealing with it. That's what's so nice about being single," Sadiq said in semi-sober bliss.

"What?"

"Nah I just said, that's what's so nice about being single."

Kiku was flabbergasted. "You're single."

Sadiq winked. "Why, you like that?"

Oh, crap. Kiku put up his hands in reflex. "I'm just surprised. I thought you would have… a girlfriend."

"Hey now, I go both ways. Ain't nothing wrong with that."

Kiku put his hands down. "No. You're right, there's nothing wrong with that." But Sadiq was single? This was not within the range of things Kiku expected to encounter. Then what were he and Heracles…?

"Rough though. Whether you break up with a guy or a girl, it's all rough." Sadiq started to stand, having finished his glass of water. "Good luck to you, man. Thanks for coming." And with that, he returned indoors.

Kiku found himself more confused than before. Not only did he have no leads on Heracles, but now there was the question of what Sadiq had to do with Heracles, if they weren't dating. Sadiq did mention a break up. Could it be that…?

"Dude, you okay?"

Kiku looked up to see Yong Soo standing next to his chair, with a genuinely concerned look on his face. A rare sight.

"Oh. I'm fine."

"Uh. If you ever feel like going home, it's all good. We can go any time."

It was rare for Yong Soo to seem so concerned, although Kiku could admit that the current circumstances were quite extraordinary. His friend's concern warmed his heart.

"It's okay, I'm fine."

With that, Kiku expected Yong Soo to spring back into his normal goofy self and return to the party, but Yong Soo stood there and fidgeted. A realization dawned on Kiku. Yong Soo didn't want to be here either.

"Yeah. Let's go home."

* * *

><p>"Some party, huh?" Yong Soo said noncommittally as they walked through the neighborhood.<p>

"Yeah," Kiku replied just as noncommittally. They continued onward silently for a while longer, before Yong Soo felt the need to confess.

"Used to have more fun at parties," he started casually. Kiku looked at him to indicate that he was listening. "Lately though, it's like? It's not fun if certain people aren't there with you."

"Ah."

Yong Soo met his gaze. "Oh. I didn't mean it like that. You're my bro, really."

"Oh, um."

Yong Soo flushed a little. "Anyway, what I meant is, um. I think I like someone. Haha?"

Kiku tried to feign shock, at least inwardly, so perhaps even a margin of it would manifest on his face.

"And yeah. I don't know. It's weird, never mind."

"It's fine," Kiku replied evenly. He could understand, at least now. Maybe a month ago, not so much.

"Hey, so, can I ask something?"

Kiku gave the go-ahead.

"You seem kinda down lately? So, uh, you okay?" Yong Soo said awkwardly.

Kiku almost snorted. Although Yong Soo's attempts to show concern were probably far better than anything Kiku could reciprocate with at this point in time, it was still a bit hilarious to watch him fumble through it. But Yong Soo was regarding him with care, and that was meaningful.

So Kiku divulged some of his thoughts. Yong Soo deserved that much. Mostly thoughts about Heracles.

"Dude, Sadiq and Heracles broke up a long time ago," Yong Soo responded. "Mei's gossip is outdated."

"Oh. When…?"

"I dunno, but Sadiq's been single for months now. Heracles worked at his store, but that's pretty much it now."

Although not anymore, apparently. But something else bugged Kiku. "That's Sadiq's store?"

"Sadiq's uncle owns it or something, so he works there during the school year. I think? Yeah."

But Kiku was sure he saw Sadiq and Heracles having lunch together on his blind date with Mei. There was also Heracles' living situation. Something wasn't adding up. He didn't feel that Yong Soo would have those puzzle pieces though. Somehow, it seemed like disclosing that would be risky.

"I see."

"Ah. Sorry, that doesn't really help."

"It's fine," Kiku lied. "I'll just bump into him again one of these days." Another lie. Kiku didn't have a good feeling about those prospects.

"So, you and Heracles…?"

The skin on the back of Kiku's neck prickled. That was not something he wanted to discuss with Yong Soo. Not that Yong Soo was picking up on that feeling. His tall friend wrapped an arm around him and leaned on him as they walked. To his surprise, it wasn't long until Yong Soo backed off.

"Nah, you don't have to say anything. I know by now that you're a rock. More like a pebble."

"Thanks," Kiku said sarcastically.

"You don't like talking about feelings."

"Yeah." Well, he wasn't wrong.

"I know what's up with you anyway."

Kiku bristled at that. But he said nothing and his face remained deadpan.

"I know you got feelings, bro," Yong Soo teased gently. "There's a heart somewhere in there." He knocked a fist against Kiku's chest.

"I suppose."

"Definitely saw you smile a bit just now."

* * *

><p>The residual smell of party alcohol washed off in the shower, and Kiku's head cleared a little. Clad in underwear and wrapped in his towel, he sat before his computer, zoning out with his sleeping monitor in his field of vision. He vaguely registered his reflection, but his mind occupied itself with processing the new clues of the day. So Sadiq and Heracles were not actually dating. They had been, but not anymore, at least not for a while. That is, if Yong Soo's information was even correct.<p>

Another thought came to him. Was Heracles alright? Kiku felt foolish for forgetting about that until now, but Kiku had hurt his feelings. There was also that Heracles was just nowhere to be seen, not even in the store. If Heracles didn't have a job, was he alright?

The only one that could provide Kiku with the truth was Heracles himself. A knock came on his door, a sound Kiku wished to disregard for now. But he donned his T-shirt and track pants and answered the door anyway.

It was Heracles.

Kiku looked at him in disbelief. And it dawned on him that he hadn't been thinking about his answer to Heracles' question. But Heracles' presence at his door was above all a relief.

"Hello," was all Kiku could remember to say.

Heracles stood there with a bag slung over his shoulder. Nekokichi was noticeably absent. And with the forlorn look on Heracles' face, Kiku was reminded of a lost child. A lost child in a grown man's body.

Where have you been? Kiku wanted to ask. But in the end, Heracles had honored his promise, the promise to come by another time. It didn't occur to Kiku to have faith in that promise.

They stood in the doorway and looked at each other. Kiku was suddenly aware of his body, and Heracles' body. He tried to stay focused.

Heracles looked at his own feet. "I made you wait. Sorry."

Something in Kiku's heart swelled, perhaps a bit dangerously for comfort. Kiku gestured towards his table, his throat tightening. "Let's talk," he managed to say.

Heracles stood his ground. "I should have come back sooner," Heracles started.

Kiku gestured inside again. "Please," he said, not looking at Heracles.

"I did want to come back sooner."

So why didn't you? It hit Kiku now, how lonely and frantic he had been in the past week. If Heracles had just needed time because he was hurt, then Kiku should understand. But even so, Kiku realized how heavy he felt. It made no sense. There was no reason to feel lonely. It made sense that Heracles would've taken his time.

"I'll explain," Heracles continued softly. "I'm sorry I made you wait. I won't make you say something before you're ready."

Kiku looked away. It was a lump that was in his throat.

"So it's okay," Heracles said.

Before he could stop himself, a tear escaped from his eye. Kiku, in an instant, mentally recited a frantic, albeit futile prayer that this bewildering tear would just disappear and that Heracles hadn't seen. What on earth was happening to him?

Heracles didn't say a word. He only reached out, gently taking Kiku's arm in his hand, and pulled Kiku into an embrace.

Kiku couldn't hide his face now. "What are you doing," he asked weakly. "I'm the one who should be apologizing."

"Okay."

"I'm sorry," Kiku said, calmer now. The tear had already fell from his chin, leaving one streak on his face. His eyes felt glassy, but there was no danger of overflowing.

They moved to sit side by side under the window, facing the room together. Heracles made a move to embrace Kiku again, but Kiku stopped him.

If he was going to explain, he wanted it to be done face-to-face. He couldn't understand Heracles better if all he could see was the front of Heracles' shoulder. Facing him directly somehow felt like less of a confrontation and more of a doorway.

With that, the words all came into the air. Kiku's misunderstanding about Sadiq, and Heracles' own truth.

"My mother died when I was little, and I never knew my father."

Kiku thought of his own parents back in Kyoto, and could not imagine a life without them. Without realizing, he placed a hand on Heracles' arm.

"It's alright. Hm… when I was 16, I thought that I would be alright on my own, and I came to this country to live with a friend. Or was it a distant relative? Hm… it was Sadiq's uncle.

"Of course, I worked. A year later, Sadiq started college here… we met. We worked together in the store, I lived upstairs. There was a… physical relationship. He wanted more, but…

"I didn't have much room to argue with him. I was lonely, young, and scared… and if his uncle found out, I could be kicked out, and… I wouldn't have anywhere else."

Kiku's hand was gripping Heracles' arm now, though Heracles continued on.

"Eventually I didn't want to see Sadiq anymore… but he kept visiting and I had to live by his rules. His uncle went overseas and left him in charge. After that, I had less freedom. I snuck out a lot but I wasn't really allowed to go anywhere.

"I had to live by Sadiq's rules, but I was rejecting his advances. He was persistent, but he never forced himself on me."

A lie, Kiku thought, but let Heracles continue.

"I didn't reciprocate. I guess his resentment grew. But you know, Kiku, I couldn't do it," Heracles explained with resignation in his voice. "For a long time, I thought that this was the way I was going to live. Waiting until Sadiq had class or a party before I could go outside and do what I wanted. He used to take me with him, but I didn't like going anyway… it's not my thing."

That Kiku could sympathize with.

"Somehow I was fine with it… As long as I had time to myself, to think, and cats around… I felt I could live this way however long it went on. I didn't really think about the future… I mostly thought about the past, and my memories of my mother and homeland."

Kiku's heart ached. He had no idea that Heracles had been enduring so much difficulty. Things that once seemed strange now made more sense.

Heracles eyes looked up to meet Kiku's.

"And then you walked into the store."

Kiku blinked. He was a part of this story?

"You caught my eye right away… and I thought you were so cute, walking out with flowers this big," Heracles paused to open his arms to exaggerate the size of the bouquet Kiku had bought, "and you were this small." He brought his arms closer together.

Kiku blushed and felt a big indignant, but waited to hear more.

"I don't know why, but, without even knowing you, I felt that you had a kind heart."

Where was that coming from? Kiku looked at his own knees. He had a what?

"I was right… you were kind to cats. That made me happy… and you were kind to me as well. Although I didn't really know what to do, I started to think about the future. I thought that if I saw you again, there were things to look forward to."

Heracles reached up and cupped Kiku's cheek in his hands, beckoning Kiku to look at him. Kiku avoided Heracles' eyes and stared at his nose instead. It was a nice nose. Ah. He could feel the warmth of Heracles' palm only adding to the heat emanating from his own face.

"I don't intend to force great hopes for my future on you… I just want to be able to spend time with you."

Kiku closed his eyes, unable to bear the intensity of the feeling welling up inside him.

"I left Nekokichi at the shelter for a few days and quit my job… I packed up my things… if I want a better future I have to leave that place… I found a place I can stay for a while, but not for long."

Kiku looked at him in awe. "You could stay here for a while…" It seemed reasonable under the circumstances.

Heracles lowered his hand. "I didn't want you to let me stay with you out of pity… I don't know, but for some reason… I'd only like to burden you that much if it was because you wanted me to be here. I didn't want you to get involved with my problems."

Kiku frowned. "Heracles…"

"I don't have a plan for the future but… I'm figuring things out. I'm probably going to get another job soon, and I'll figure something out."

This was far beyond the expertise of Kiku. Things like getting a job, living independently… these were concerns that Kiku would face in the future, though inevitably. To see Heracles facing them on his own now, without the resources Kiku had but with more resilience and bravery than Kiku possessed—it was jarring.

"Don't worry about me… please don't feel sorry for me," Heracles pleaded.

Kiku wanted to cry. He didn't care about how he sounded at this point. Heracles was completely vulnerable, and Kiku had no reason to be cold.

"How can you tell me to not worry about you if I already care?"

The look in Heracles' eyes was indescribable. Heracles sometimes had intense bedroom eyes, but this was something else entirely. This wasn't a seductive gaze. His hand reached up to touch Kiku's face again, and Kiku found himself willingly pressing his cheek into Heracles' tender palm in response. Strong, gentle fingers brushed lightly through his hair and by his ear, leaving Kiku breathless.

Heracles leaned in and gently pressed his lips against Kiku's, turning his head so that their noses wouldn't collide. The hand on the side of Kiku's head gripped a bit tighter to bring Kiku's small frame closer. Kiku didn't protest. In fact, whatever the opposite of protesting was, not that Kiku could figure it out at the moment, that's what Kiku decided to do. Caution to the wind, or something. This was probably his first kiss, not that Kiku cared right now.

They separated, and Kiku finally made eye contact with Heracles again. He acutely felt the absence of Heracles' lips on his own and wished for another, but Heracles just looked at him.

"You can stay the night," Kiku suggested.

"Kiku… I think I want to take it slow."

"No, that's not," Kiku stammered. "I'm not,"

Heracles smiled. "I'm teasing you."

What.

"Do you like me, Kiku?"

Kiku couldn't help but avert his eyes shyly. "You're actually quite a romantic fool." He stopped, realizing the harshness of his words, and watched Heracles for a reaction.

But Heracles was smiling. "Yeah."

* * *

><p>To be continued.<p>

Longest chapter yet. Thanks for the encouragement thus far. I think there's only one or two more chapters. We'll see how this goes.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

Heracles was like a big cat. So much like one that Kiku wondered how anyone could mistake him for a promiscuous college student. Sure, he was handsome. Sexy, even. Kiku would learn from firsthand experience the allure of a pair of kissable lips, the delight of a toned strong body, and the glow of tanned skin in morning sunlight through the window. But there were also his sleepy gentle eyes, soft voice, and head of wavy, brown hair. Not that those weren't also attractive, but they were also endearing.

When Heracles slept over, he truly did sleep over. With finals approaching in the winter, Heracles was content to sleep in Kiku's bed while Kiku studied at his desk a few feet away. There was a lot of sleeping on Heracles' part. It wasn't that Heracles didn't have a place to stay. He found a job in a pet store by this point, and also worked next door at the florist's. The two jobs were often back to back, and Kiku's place was closer than his own. As long as he was not legally residing in Kiku's college dorm, it was fine. So Heracles slept, like an oversized house cat, in Kiku's room a few times a week.

Kiku didn't mind this. In a sense, Heracles' sleeping presence counted as company. His room became a more soothing place in a way, like everything he needed was in there. It didn't interfere with his studying, and at the end of the night when his hands were stiff and his neck cramped from hunching over keyboards and textbooks, his eyes strained from code, he could crawl into a bed already warmed. He felt small next to Heracles' larger frame, but safe.

Heracles would usually be gone by morning, and Kiku would miss the feeling of pressing his face against a back moving with steady breaths.

That was the extent of their physical intimacy in Kiku's room. When Heracles brought Kiku over to his place, on the other hand, was a different story.

It was still two weeks before finals, and fall was in full force, with winter peeking its way in. The ground held the bounty of leaves that had once been on the trees, and the air foretold of colder times ahead. Even so, the two of them were content to bundle up and walk in the park, taking delight in the changing of the seasons. Heracles' hands were always warm.

Kiku had been to Heracles' place before. It was sparse, but contained what Heracles needed. Heracles was not one for extravagant living in the first place and was satisfied with his modest furnishing. The space was small and the walls were a bit old, but it was a shelter from the outside world, from cold and from people. The first time Kiku came, he had brought tea and cat treats, for Nekokichi. This time, he tried something new.

It felt silly somehow, but he had brought a homemade bento. Where he had come from, it was usually the girl's role to do so, but that didn't seem to matter if both of them were guys. He worried about Heracles eating well, and admittedly, he wanted to be appreciated. So in line of the thinking he knew, he made a bento, like a shoujo manga schoolgirl.

That was the thought process behind it, but it didn't do much for Kiku once he was inside Heracles' apartment. Heracles was removing his jacket and hanging it on a chair while Kiku stood by the door, the bento hidden in a bag. Suddenly he regretted it. He wasn't much of a cook, being content with simple foods, but what if Heracles didn't like it? What if, God forbid, Heracles thought it was silly, or didn't understand it?

But after watching Heracles make cat noises at Nekokichi for a whole minute, Kiku decided that it would probably be fine.

"This is for you," Kiku announced as he walked over, almost sorry to interrupt Heracles in his coming-home-and-greeting-cat ritual. He held out the bag, the bento box shape unmistakable to him. To Heracles, it was a mysterious surprise, and excitedly without a word, he took it into his hands and unwrapped the bag.

Heracles stared in wonder at the box. It was lacquerware, and in the dim lighting of the apartment it had a dark, quiet beauty, unlike that of ceramic or porcelain. He lifted it to examine it on all sides, eyes completely absorbed in taking it in, mouth open slightly in wonder. He then set the box down in his lap.

"It's beautiful," Heracles breathed.

Kiku felt a beam of pride, but anticipated Heracles opening it and seeing the food presented inside. But instead, Heracles set the box on the table, stood, and gently grabbed Kiku's arm, tugging it. Kiku stared at him in confusion. Why didn't he open it?

Heracles tugged a bit harder, looking at Kiku in a way that made Kiku feel a bit funny. So Kiku followed him to… the bed. Whereupon immediately Heracles ushered him to sit with his back against the wall. Before Kiku knew it, Heracles came in close and kissed him. Kiku made a sound of surprise and Heracles pulled away, but stayed closed enough that Kiku could feel the space between their lips.

"I, um," Kiku stammered. He flushed and looked away, not sure where his eyes were supposed to go. He didn't know where this was coming from, but without thinking his hand had grabbed the front of Heracles' shirt, which Heracles, without thinking, took as a sign to go for more.

Kiku's mind went blank and he felt Heracles' lips pressing and moving gently against his. This was kissing. Kiku couldn't say he never tried to picture kissing. In his dating sim days, it was just a word, an option on a list of commands. When he started getting involved with Heracles though, his mind couldn't help but wander to the thought of the real, physical act.

A sound escaped from his throat, the tone of which pulled Heracles in closer. Kiku felt his face heat up tenfold, like his blood vessels were holding his cheeks. His legs felt light and his hands weak, like all the blood was rushing to the center. Heracles was definitely gentle, but Kiku felt like something was giving way, and the more Heracles gave the more Kiku wanted to give, until they couldn't meet halfway any more than they already were, and there was no more distance to bridge between them. Kiku became aware of a hand on his thigh, but there was a lot going on to process.

Heracles gave pause to allow Kiku to catch his breath, but not before he passionately pressed Kiku's bottom lip a bit harder between his own. Kiku sat there breathing heavily, his mind spinning.

"Kiku," Heracles said. "I'm going to use my tongue. Tell me to stop if you don't like it." And so he leaned in again, and Kiku didn't have time to think. Heracles reached around and softly gripped the back of Kiku's head, finger interweaving with his hair and holding on.

* * *

><p>How much time passed before Heracles pulled away, Kiku could not bother to keep track of. When he did, he saw Heracles look at him as if he were the world, right now, a microcosm of everything that mattered. Kiku looked back at Heracles looking at him, lost in the windows of seeing someone see you, and seeing someone see you see them seeing you, before a thought occurred to him.<p>

"Y… you should open it," Kiku said, his breathing now evened out. "The box, I mean."

Heracles eyes widened a bit in surprise, and Kiku almost smiled. That Heracles was so enamored with the box itself and didn't know the box contained something was so very cute.

He opened it and inside were compartments, filled carefully with rice, tamagoyaki, nori, and assorted sausages and vegetables, arranged to look like the face of a cat. His face did not change much, yet somehow Kiku could sense delight bubbling inside him.

"Ah." Kiku watched the pieces fall together in Heracles' head, and almost would've wanted to look at that moment forever. "It's a cat." Heracles blushed a bit. "You made this for me. Thank you, Kiku."

Later Heracles would actually eat the bento. But for now, he decided he wanted his mouth on something else. He couldn't articulate what specifically, so long as it was on Kiku.

* * *

><p>Kiku hoped the cold wind would account for the glow in his cheeks on his way back. Even Heracles had a bit of glow himself, and with the two of them walking together, it seemed all to easy to guess what sort of thing they had been up to. Maybe it would be better if Kiku went home alone, but Heracles insisted on at least accompanying him to the door. Kiku couldn't argue; it was a nice decrescendo.<p>

"I didn't think you'd like the bento that much," Kiku said, voice muffled by his scarf. His lips were still slightly swollen from having been kissed so much, not that he minded.

"I love it," Heracles insisted.

"That was… my first time," Kiku admitted, referring to both the bento and the kissing. Reflexively he wanted to retract the words out of the air, lest Heracles' next response was that of scorn or disbelief. But Heracles only looked at him fondly.

"I'm happy to be your first."

Kiku's heart skipped a beat. He basked in that feeling as they walked, now in the park. But it faded soon after another thought occurred—who was Heracles' first? He glanced at Heracles, who was now taking in the outdoors. Kiku was definitely not Heracles' first. It didn't really matter, Kiku thought to himself. But he felt a bit forlorn. If it was Sadiq, that feeling would grow heavier.

"My first was a girl from my hometown," Heracles shared without prompting, as if sensing Kiku's small upset. "It was just a peck. After that I had countless."

Oh.

"By the time I was 16, I had already been with at least the same number of boys and girls as my number of years."

Oh.

"When I came here, it was only with Sadiq."

Kiku felt like he was being punched in the gut. "Heracles—"

"But you're the first," Heracles continued. "The first that stirred my heart."

Ah. Kiku could feel heat spread to his ears.

"I hope you don't think I'm dirty…"

"No," Kiku responded immediately. "I just… before this, I…" Before this, he played dating sims. It was the pinnacle of his emotional investment in the romantic realm. It wasn't even emotional investment but rather, a safe grounds for interaction in a predictable manner. He delighted in the cute love interests the same way one would delight in an elaborately decorated cake slice, and he certainly did not view real women with the same lens. In fact, as far as he could remember, a girl never caught his eye in the same way that Heracles did.

"I'm physically demanding in certain aspects," Heracles continued. "I hope that's okay."

Kiku thought back to Heracles' apartment. Kiku was the first one on that specific bed. And Heracles was the first in his.

They stopped walking.

"I want to go all the way with you."

"What are you saying in broad daylight!?" Kiku blurted. Heracles just smiled shyly at him, and Kiku had to let it go. How could someone say that sort of thing so directly and look so innocent? And Kiku couldn't truthfully say he was surprised, he just didn't expect to hear it verbalized. He didn't know if he returned that sentiment quite yet.

He also didn't expect to see Sadiq in the park. Neither of them did. Sadiq was not expecting to bump into Heracles and Kiku walking together in the park either, of all people. But as the pair passed by the familiar pagoda-like gazebo, the two parties caught a glimpse of each other. Heracles and Kiku in broad afternoon daylight on the sidewalk, holding hands with flushed faces, and Sadiq having a smoke in the shade of the pavilion.

The tranquil, affectionate air of that afternoon collapsed into the ground, shattered in a single moment. A moment of fight or flight occurred to both Heracles and Kiku as Sadiq stood, his face reaching deeper into the shade of the gazebo's roof.

"If it isn't Karpusi."

* * *

><p>To be continued...<p> 


	12. Chapter 12 - End

**Chapter 12**

All of Kiku's life could not have prepared him for this moment. Though there were many things in the past few weeks that he had to feel out. He had been gently floating in a world removed from the predictable territory of choosing computer science over photography, of staying in his room, of courting virtual characters with pre-programmed scripts. Heracles' hand in his.

But this moment now, uncomfortably confronting Sadiq, was nothing like gentle floating, but rather, a crash into the ground. It crossed his mind to let go of this hand now tethering him so as to flee, flee into safety and familiarity, to run back home alone. He crushed that thought, with feet that had weathered new paths with the person standing next to him.

Heracles, too, stood his ground. "Adnan," he said evenly, almost as if muttering to himself.

"You always called me Sadiq."

Kiku felt Sadiq look over him.

"Huh."

His tone was hard to read. Was it dismissal? Hurt? Anger? Who was it directed at?

"Are you freeloading off this one now?"

The way those words passed through the air and into Kiku's understanding snapped something within him. What did he just say?

"What?" Kiku said, trembling. He felt no fear, but he was shaking. A thousand protests began to boil inside him with no way of ever exiting him coherently.

Something squeezed his hand. Kiku remembered that Heracles was standing next to him. He didn't know what to do now.

But Heracles didn't give time for the tension to freeze in the space between them and the gazebo. He moved, to continue onward to Kiku's place, and Kiku followed. As they reached the edge of the park Kiku looked back. The gazebo was too far for Sadiq to be discernible. In any case, they weren't being followed.

Inside Kiku's room, it felt like they could almost exhale again. Heracles wandered in with his shoes and jacket still on.

Kiku watched him pace around. How strange it was, to see Heracles moving so agitatedly. Kiku felt a pang in his chest and entered the room, wanting to soothe the other. Not that he knew what to do other than stand there, his shoes removed but his jacket still on as well. He watched as Heracles sat down on the floor, next to the bed.

"Kiku," Heracles said, voice as soft as usual. "I'm angry."

Kiku kept looking at him.

"Maybe I don't look or sound like it, but I'm angry."

It was true. Heracles looked agitated. But his natural demeanor was not one conducive to rage. Heracles was perfectly still, although tense. His voice was still soft. Kiku tried to read rage and realized that this was Heracles' anger as much as it could surface.

"I'm sorry," Heracles said. Kiku didn't understand. Sorry? For what? He waited for Heracles to elaborate. But Heracles sat quietly, looking at the floor. So Kiku sat too.

They sat.

A while passed before Heracles continued. "I'm not angry… no, I am a little angry. But mostly, I'm…." Heracles swallowed. "I'm scared."

Kiku saw the soul of a lost little boy for a fleeting moment. He saw it battle with the sturdy, large exterior of a gentle young adult. In many ways Heracles looked like a mature man. Puberty didn't hold back on his build, on the development of his body. It was a strange wonder of the world that Heracles didn't have a beard.

"You're not freeloading off me," Kiku stated. It was fact. Heracles was being self-reliant, through much struggle and toil. Kiku was not at fault for not being able to support him more than that, but he couldn't help but feel useless.

"No… I am," Heracles said, unable to look at Kiku.

"What do you mean?"

Heracles swallowed again. "Without you, I'm scared."

Kiku didn't think he was much of a shield against Sadiq. He didn't know what Sadiq was capable of. In truth, he was powerless to help Heracles. If it came down to harassment, stalking, an actual physical altercation, or even a verbal confrontation, Kiku was about as good as any skinny, Asian nerd would be. The world seemed to shrink and expand at all once outside his room, distorting and twisting into an unfriendly space. He sat beside Heracles, turned towards him slightly.

He needed to be clear. There was no way Kiku could protect Heracles. If Heracles expected that of him, he needed to know.

"No… Sadiq wouldn't do that," Heracles replied. Kiku must've looked unconvinced, because Heracles finally looked at him. "I really believe so…"

"He was unkind to you," Kiku pointed out. To put it briefly. "Even just now, he was unkind." A lump formed in his throat, livid at the man who did not understand any of Heracles' pain, who caused Heracles pain. Furious that it hurt to point that fact out, to make Heracles have to look at his own suffering.

"I'm not scared of Sadiq." Heracles turned his head, avoiding all eye contact. "I accepted it all… because I thought that it was fate. Stayed for so long… because there didn't seem to be a purpose in changing things. A path of least resistance.

"I'll make sure Sadiq never lays a hand on you, Kiku. If he ever bothers you… let me know right away. I don't think he will… you're right, he was unkind. But even if he was not always kind, he was… there. I'm not very far from being alone. At a time when I couldn't support myself yet… the reason I am still here… is having that roof, that job… If Sadiq couldn't help but want something from me, to not give it in return felt like a shortcoming."

Kiku rejected those words. Heracles didn't owe anyone anything. Even if it felt like those words would be only throwing a tarp into a crevice of guilt that bore deep, Kiku said them.

"Thank you, Kiku. I know..." Heracles's head was still turned. "I am just afraid… I don't want to be a burden on you."

Kiku could almost flip a table over. Heracles had taken nothing from him. In fact, Heracles had given him so much more, so much that he never asked him for but was glad to receive. Heracles, trying so hard to do everything on his own. Kiku could almost cry again. He could barely speak. "I have not done anything for you." He reached out, one hand on Heracles' tense shoulder, the other resting on his arm. "Please, let me help."

He remembered now. Heracles, begging him to abstain from pity. Kiku could almost be sure this was no feeling of pity. He felt himself burn with an inner, protective flame.

"If I raise you up, I raise myself up as well."

Heracles finally looked at him.

"If you are freeloading off me, then freeload more. Continue to freeload. If I am your source of courage, then keep taking courage. I have not done anything for you…" Kiku tried to imagine Heracles' years of pain, and couldn't. Even just trying brought him to tears.

The tears collected in the minute space between his cheek and Heracles' hand, which now rested on his face tenderly. Kiku was out of words. Rather, he had so many words, but not the strength to speak them, to force them through the dam of emotion that collected in his throat. He gazed intensely into Heracles' eyes, as much as he could with his tears distorting everything, hoping that his willpower would reach the other. Kiku didn't really know how to help. All he knew was that he needed to be part of it, whatever it was.

"Kiku…"

Heracles was a blur at this point.

"I asked you what your feelings were a while back…"

Kiku inwardly flinched at that memory, but waited for Heracles to continue.

"I knew you liked me to some extent…"

Cue indignant blushing.

"I wanted to know, because… not just because I didn't want pity, but because… You see, I was worried that I had been really forward and seduced you."

What? As opposed to what? Admittedly, Heracles was very attractive, fine, but so what?

"I mean that in the sense of… tricking you into liking me."

Kiku didn't know what to say to that. He wanted to reassure Heracles that everything was fine, but something about that was insulting, to both him and Heracles.

"No… I know that's wrong now. Your feelings make me happy… I trust in the decisions that you make… that your actions and words are true… That you are your own person, that you're… with me, because you want to be."

Kiku's heart soared.

Tears were wiped and jackets were thrown dismissively onto the floor, their removal long overdue. Heracles staying the night was unplanned, but Kiku was fine with that. Cooking, cleaning up, an intermission of Heracles going home to feed Nekokichi, studying, and being the same room as usual. The rest of the evening outwardly was one like any other.

At ease, Kiku climbed into bed that night. Tucking away computer science and thoughts of everyday obligations, his mind's eye suddenly gazed towards the future.

Once content with thoughts of the day-to-day of Heracles being around, Kiku suddenly thought of the next semester. His mind jumped around, also thinking to summer break. These thoughts were once dangerous to venture into. Kiku never wanted to think of the future in those terms, for fear of asking if he thought Heracles would still be with him at that point. It was just a question entirely avoided, and to some extent, the future doesn't truly exist—only the present has any reality in a certain sense. But Kiku's heart dared to wish for realities to come.

He shared some of these, both he and his partner half asleep. Possibilities of eventually living together, if Kiku could find someplace off-campus, and having Heracles come home with him to Japan for part of summer break. Heracles hummed happily in response to these. Neither were awake enough to stress about the logistics. That could come later.

The easygoing, drowsy conversation lulled off into comfortable silence. Kiku's stream of consciousness shifted to another dimension of his life.

Before Heracles… No, before everyone. Everyone meaning Heracles and his friends. Before them, Kiku lived in a state of emotional dormancy. Something like that. He had things he liked, things that made his heart race in excitement, and things that stressed him out. But they rarely involved other people. He wasn't antisocial, but his emotional investment in other people, if extant, never amounted to anything meaningful. A path of least resistance, of what the frog in the pot sees as contentment.

Kiku had feelings; this he knew as a fact, the same way one knows that they have skin and bone. But having others be involved with them, be a source and a nurturing ground for them, for relationships with others to be an enriching gift… to open himself to pain and receive care instead. Kiku didn't ever think about love beyond how code could represent it, how it could be simulated at a surface level for entertainment purposes. He didn't know he could be something positive and worthwhile in someone's life. It was the infinite complexity of other beings, and the infinitely complex way they worked with himself, that he didn't know how to handle. But in the end, it was simple.

Kiku realized he was talking out loud now. He didn't know when he had started, at what point his thoughts had begun spinning into sound. He could feel Heracles' attentive listening. To his surprise, no embarrassment washed over him, no shame in having been transparent in his feelings, even if unintentionally. Instead, he continued, his breath bouncing off Heracles' chest.

"In the end, it's simple," he repeated. "You love me… and I love you."

Nowhere else but in 3D love could two pairs of legs intertwine in 3D space like so.

* * *

><p><em>Fin.<em>

Thank you for all of your support. Honestly without all your encouragement I don't know how I would've finished this. This fic started three and a half years ago and I never thought I would finish it, truly. I didn't know how it would end either... I just wanted to explore and wander with these two, stumbling imperfectly if I had to, in the spirit of Giripan.

Thank you for this chance for me to grow as a writer and as a shipper, haha. I will see you guys around!


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